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Love letter to Aisha Buhari

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By Tunde Odesola
(Published in The PUNCH on Monday, March 22, 2021)
Dear Hajiya,
With gratitude to God for a vacation well spent, I, Babatunde Odesola, Esq., heartily rejoice on the safe return of the First Lady, Hajiya Aisha Buhari, to Nigeria after spending 4,380 hours in the cozy United Arab Emirates city called Dubai, away from the kisses and cuddles of her aged husband, Major General Muhammadu Buhari (retd.), and the scrutiny of his ineffective security forces.
Hajiya, I love you. Many people don’t know what we share. They don’t know we were both born on February 17. I’ve sorely missed your dazzling beauty in the last six months that you left the warmth of your husband’s bedroom to enjoy the breathtaking wonder of the 9.7-million-population UAE, a country 11 years younger and 12 times smaller than the giANT of Africa, breathless in the fist of your old sweetheart, Pa Buhari.
Going by the stunning beauties of their wives and rumoured concubines, Nigerian Heads of State between 1960 and 1999 appeared more adept at capturing the hearts of beauty queens than providing solutions to the problems of the country.
From General Johnson Aguiyi-Ironsi to General Yakubu Gowon as well as General Murtala Mohammed to General Olusegun Obasanjo and the bloody General Ibrahim Babangida along with the roguish General Sani Abacha, Nigerians can’t forget the vivacious appeal of Victoria Aguiyi-Ironsi, the wowing beauty of Victoria Gowon, the angelic grace of Ajoke Mohammed, the eyeful chicness of Stella Obasanjo, the shapely charm of Mariam Babangida, the exotic elegance of Maryam Abacha, and the brainy goddess, Lami, whom General Abdulsalami Abubakar hypnotized for a wife.
Hajiya Aisha, your beauty is smashing! I really don’t know how these generals swing it, but I’ve truly never seen a general with an ugly wife.
The alluring belle from the popular Majekodunmi family in Ogun, Omolola, belongs to the Okuku general, Olagunsoye Oyinlola, just as Ronke Ayuba, the adorable TV star, was general Tanko Ayuba’s. These generals! They just know how to cock their love guns at ladies’ hearts, aim and pull the triggers.
Tell me, irresistible Aisha, how did the old Katsina general ‘toast’ and capture the love of an extraordinary beauty like you at just 18, despite the 28 years age difference between both of you? Is he the lion and you, the jewel?
Hajiya Aisha, I welcome you back to the hell you left since last September, after the life-threatening shooting that occurred in your Aso Rock abode, upon your insistence that an untouchable aide of your husband comply with COVID-19 protocols.
Permit me to ask, madam, have your security guards, whose arrest you protested online after their shooting combat with presidential bodyguards, been released? Your husband’s mouthpiece, Shehu Garba, promised that the shooting would be investigated. Like every one of the electoral promises made by your husband, however, the outcome of the Garba-promised investigation will never see the light of the day, I’m sure.
Lady Buhari, I believe you’ll agree with me that if you, of all people, could be so trampled on in your husband’s administration, the brutal killing of scores of innocent #Endsars protesters at the Lekki toll gate by soldiers, last October, attests to the fascist in your husband.
Remember, Hajiya, you stridently raised the alarm some years ago that your husband had been held captive by some unknown forces. You insisted that he was no longer in charge of his government.
Madam Buhari, except maybe his cows, your husband had never been in charge of anything – not even in his famed military days when General Tunde Idiagbon took charge and he, Buhari, took the glory.
When your husband went to sleep after fulfilling his chronic ambition of becoming a civilian President, his Chief of Staff, Abba Kyari, saw his abandoned presidential shoes, dusted and stepped into them snuggly, taking full responsibility of governance.
After Kyari’s death, the shoes were, again, empty, and bandit politicians, killer-herdsmen, Boko Haram, brigands and sycophants have taken turns to wear them, spinning the country madly out of orbit towards hell as various miscued criminals now unleash anarchy in the land while your ‘mai gida’ remains cool, calm and collected like a motionless crocodile.
My dear hajiya, your husband has failed Nigeria woefully! Out of tune with reality, your presidential husband always avoids the Nigerian press but his countless embarrassing mistakes in public have necessitated concerned citizens to patriotically ask for his medical evaluation.
My First Lady, Nigeria’s situation has worsened since you escaped to the Arabian sanity. Now that you’re back into the lawless country your husband heads, I must warn you that Nigeria’s decline into depravity is now full-blown.
Please, Aisha, don’t get into any argument with any security guard as you did last year. A human head now costs N8,000 in Nigeria. If you’re lucky and timely, you can even get one for free among unclaimed corpses left to decay along Nigeria’s highways.
Life is worthless in the land ruled by your husband, Aisha. Scores of innocent people are now being killed, kidnapped and broken daily across the country, much more than the victims of war in Libya, Sudan, Somalia and Congo.
I love you Hajiya Aisha but I don’t love your husband because he’s an outstanding blunder. I love you because you occasionally speak up whenever your space is threatened. Some may say that’s selfish of you – that you need to always speak up against the vipers of injustice brooded by your husband’s administration. They say, “What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.” Well, I won’t criticise their opinion.
Aisha nee Halilu, do you know that the UAE, like Nigeria, was built with oil money? But the UAE has long left Nigeria behind by diversifying their economy from oil dependency, launching it on science-tech-tourism superhighway. The picture of a rain-beaten church rat placed beside an elephant looms large on the horizon whenever Nigeria is compared to the UAE.
The wife of my President, the only difference between Nigeria and UAE is leadership, which your husband has tragically failed to give.
Nigeria, presided over by your thick-skinned husband, is the strangest country in the world. It’s a place where anyone can disappear without trace. Imagine, a whole you was out of circulation for six months, and there was no explanation from your husband, his friends, relatives and megaphones.
Everybody just carried on as if you don’t matter. Aisha, between you and me, I even think they were happy you were nowhere around to squeal on their incompetencies and stagnant governance.
During your undisclosed absence, my First Lady, so much water passed under the bridge. African Giant, Burna Boy and Ojuelegba crooner, Wizkid, won Grammy awards. I know your husband sees Nigerian youths as a population of lazybones. I think he’s likely to prefer Dan Maraya Jos music to the music by lazy youths. I was, however, shocked to read a prompt congratulatory message from your husband, extolling the virtues of Burna Boy and Wizkid.
Well, I know that the only arm of your husband’s government that’s effective is the ‘Public Service Announcement Department’ that sends out congratulations at the speed of light but sleeps when hundreds of schoolchildren are kidnapped and snores when Fulani herdsmen and Boko Haram kill for fun.
When EIGHT persons were killed in suspected anti-Asian shooting in Atlanta, Georgia, last week, President Joe Biden and his deputy, Kamala Harris, flew into Atlanta from Washington DC to commiserate with bereaved families.
Over a 100 people have died in various breaches of security across the country this year alone, but our President sits tight in Aso Rock, either unmoved or unaware.
Aisha, the masses that prayed for the enthronement of your husband as president are now praying to God to break the country and his government. It’s sad, your husband has failed.
Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com
Facebook: @tunde odesola
Twitter: @tunde_odesola

Opinion

Buhari rests in London, Nigeria boils by Tunde Odesola

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(Published in The PUNCH on Monday, April 12, 2021)

As a herdsman, ‘yowwa’ is the likeliest gratifying word to escape from the tight-lipped Nigerian President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, Major General Muhammadu Buhari (retd.) if his cows nuzzle their muzzles against him as they eat hay from his outstretched hands during a random visit to his herd.

And as a devout Muslim, ‘Auzubillahi!’ is the likeliest word the President would utter if a dog mistakenly snuggles up against his ankle; Islam forbids human-dog embrace.

Aside from the religious injunction, however, the 78-year-old northern leader is unlikely to prefer the dog to the cow. Quite unlike the slow, witless and clumsy cow, the dog is a very intelligent, friendly, sensitive and witty creature. Universally, the dog is seen as man’s best friend, not the cow. Notwithstanding all these attributes, President Buhari’s preference will still be for the cow, not the dog, any day, anytime – for ancestral reasons.

The age-long ‘yes-sir!’ military mentality that upholds loyalty to superiors over patriotism to Nigeria, predisposes Buhari, a veteran soldier, to choosing the pliant cow over the witty dog.

Surely, the flunkey ‘yes-sir’ mentality is the reason why the Nigerian military, police, DSS and other security agencies put Buhari far above the country and the Constitution, and would shoot at innocent youths at Lekki tollgate even when such an order is in clear breach of the rules of engagement and the Constitution.

Indeed, the distinction between sycophancy and patriotism was what saved the US when subversive forces rose against its democracy on January 6, 2021 at the Capitol as the judiciary, the legislature, the military and all other institutions of government stood in defence of the American Constitution over the shenanigans of former President Donald Trump and his cohorts.

The understanding of the distinction between racism and patriotism is what is currently playing out in the trial of the white police officer, Derek Chauvin, who knelt on the neck of African-American George Floyd on May 25, 2020, sending him to an early grave in Minneapolis city of Minnesota, USA.

Chauvin’s ongoing public trial, which commenced on March 29, 2021, displays the unquestionable ability of the American nation to reinvent itself when faced with challenges.

For the average Nigerian like me, it beggars belief to think that serving and retired Nigerian police officers would enter the witness box and vehemently condemn one of their own as it’s being done in the trial of Chauvin, who faces up to 40 years in prison if the second degree murder charge, which presupposes that he didn’t intentionally kill Floyd, is upheld.

Since public hearings on police killings and brutality opened in various states of the Nigerian federation, following the #Endsars nationwide protests last year, no ex-security officer or serving security officer has come out to condemn army-police extrajudicial killings.

Public officials’ arrogant misuse of state power against the citizenry is one of the reasons for the overwhelming call for the restructuring of the country.

The monumental failure of the Buhari-led regime in tackling insecurity, corruption, nepotism, poverty, ethnicity and government insensitivity is the fuel to the agitation for the break-up of the federation.

Arrogant, insensitive and utterly reckless, the All Progressives Congress-led Presidency, in 2019, released the picture of Buhari picking his teeth, probably after drinking some (nunu) milk from his cows – while the citizenry groaned under the weight of unemployment, lack and dejection. Only our I-don’t-care President would pick his teeth after drinking milk.

Commenting on the tooth-picking picture, presidential aide on New Media, Bashir Ahmad, displayed the characteristic arrogance and insensitivity of the Buhari regime when he said in a tweet, “It’s hard to understand why some people are genuinely angry because of this innocent pic. When I innocently snapped it on Feb 27 and posted (it) on my Snapchat, it didn’t occur to me that it’s going to give wailers that strong hit…”

As Nigerians have been gnashing their teeth since the beginning in 2015, so shall it be till the end in 2023. Nothing will stop the plunge. Buhari is on an eight-year vacation.

Displaying his nonchalance to public outcry for the umpteenth time, Buhari, on march 30, 2021, embarked upon a two-week medical check-up in London, despite the nationwide strike by medical doctors in public hospitals back home.

Without a word on the plight of millions of sick Nigerians condemned to attend public hospitals nationwide, the President hopped on a plane and zoomed off to England, probably with two toothpicks in his mouth after a meal of tuwo and isi ewu.

Defending Buhari’s shameless medical trips, the most meritless of Buhari’s media aides, Lauretta Onochie, tweeted on April 7, 2021, “NEXT YEAR. PRES. @MBuhari WILL GO FOR A ROUTINE CHECKUP.

  1. We have been here since 2016. Its been the same wailing. So the response will also be the same. At least, once a year, People across the world see their personal Doctors especially one they have seen for about 40 years.’

It’s not hard to distinguish the noise of an empty barrel. So, Buhari, Onochie and the wastrels that make up the Presidency see nothing wrong in wasting Nigeria’s hard currency abroad in the last 40 years?

That Buhari cannot give Nigeria just one hospital he can attend, despite ruling Nigeria for eight years now, summarises his failure as a leader. It’s scandalous that Buhari didn’t feel ashamed about going to England still – for treatment – when he’s in an opportune position, in the last six year, to turn around Nigeria’s health sector.

The latest trip makes it Buhari’s 12th time to run off to London for medical treatment, despite his country having 72,000 registered medical doctors with over 50,000 of them, shamefully, out of the shores of the country due to lack of facilities and adequate welfare packages.

Buhari’s insensitivity doesn’t stop at the medical sector alone, where nurses, physiotherapists, health technologists etc are leaving the country in droves, the lethargy of his regime permeates every fabric of our national life, and holds the country down to slow death.

Even his wife, Aisha, left her matrimonial home, and took off to Dubai for six long months. It’s unheard of anywhere in the world that the wife of the president of a country, which isn’t at war, would go on vacation abroad for six months! Or, could it be that oga madam went on antenatal vacation ni?

Henceforth, I’ll be on the lookout for a bulge in the mid region of the beautiful Aisha. If Aisha gets pregnant penren? Eeeehhh!! Nigerians will put Buhari to the sword online. I bet you, trolls against the Buhari family will burn down the internet!

But seriously speaking, President Buhari won’t touch the dog. I’m sure he won’t touch the pig, either, because he’s a very pious Muslim. However, Buhari is the chichidodo, a bird that passionately hates feces but loves to eat the maggots in feces.

Buhari hates corruption, but corruption has been the signpost of his administration with millions of dollars yearly disappearing into non-working refineries and his former EFCC chair, Ibrahim Magu, enmeshed in financial scandals.

Buhari promised to stop medical tourism when campaigning to be President, but he and his family have made England, France, Germany, Canada, Dubai and the US their second homes.

Buhari promised to revamp the education sector, but his children never graduated from a Nigerian university.

Buhari, in 1983, promised to build infrastructure when he seized power in a military coup, but he cancelled the lofty Lagos metro line project initiated by the late Lateef Jakande administration, throwing the traffic of the lagoon city into eternal chaos. He came back in March 2019 to inaugurate a bus-stop in Lagos, though. Chai!

The alarming picture just keeps flashing in my head: Nigerian President on the bed of a random London hospital in an age when microchips can be implanted to monitor and control patients. Unmh!

Buhari rests peacefully in London while peace has fled his own country, Nigeria. Terrible.

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com

Facebook: @tunde odesola

Twitter: @tunde_odesola

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Video: Nigerian leaders won’t be part of a decision that will take them out of power – Fr. GEORGE EHUSANI

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Demise of Yinka Odumakin, a dependable ally of the masses

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By Lai Olurode

The passing away of Chief Yinka Odumakin was a great loss to this country.

He was committed to a great but restructured Nigeria.

He was a dogged and committed fighter for causes that he believed in. And really, he was committed to fighting whatever would rob off negatively on the masses, no matter their ethno-religious identity.

To my mind, not many living Nigerians are as committed to a restructured Nigeria as he is.

Odumakin was courageous, bold, painstaking in the pursuit of facts and figures.

He had a robust and versatile mind. He speaks fluently and unrelenting and consistent in the pursuit of truth.

He had no permanent friend except in what is just, fair and right

The last time he was in touch with me was a couple of weeks back and in respect of the death of yet a greater Nigerian, Alh. Lateef kayode Jakande. He wanted some clarifications about LKJ’s unbelievably spartan life, which I obliged him.

May the soul of Odumakin rest in peace and may God be with his wife,  Dr. Mrs. Joe-Odumakin and the children he left behind. His death is certainly a devastating loss to the progressive camp and to all lovers of a great and peaceful Nigerian.

 

*Olurode is a former National Commissioner at the INEC and professor of Sociology at the University of Lagos.

April 3 2021

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