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The humiliating troika of Obasanjo, Shettima and Bakare (2)

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Tunde Odesola
The humiliating troika of Obasanjo, Shettima and Bakare (2)
Tunde Odesola
(Published in The PUNCH, on Friday, October 6, 2023) 
The hand of nature is upon Iseyin, a land whose rivers, hills and sky drape a brocade of dignity around duty, diligence and dare to produce a historic town famed for farming, aso-òkè, dyeing, carving, pottery and drumming, encasing the memory of one of its earliest settlers in this immortal chant, Iseyin órò omo Ebedí!
Unraveling Iseyin! Iseyin means the rig where the palm kernel is mined. It’s the fabled three firestones called àrò méta that don’t spill the oil. Palm kernel is to Iseyin what cashew is to Okigwe, a town in Imo State. In Okigwe, cashew plantation owners encouraged students to freely pluck and eat cashew but you must drop the nuts. As a student, I kindly helped cashew farm owners eat their cashews regularly.
Baba Iyabo said respect should be put on age and position. Abeokuta, the homeplace of Obasanjo, is a 19th-century creation established in 1830 while Iseyin is an 18th-century phenomenon created in 1732. By age and historical position, Iseyin is superior to Abeokuta, the rocky place of refuge that shielded Egba forebears from enemy bullets.
Iyabo, the true daughter of her father, called OBJ ‘a liar, manipulator and two-faced hypocrite’. For now, I will stick with ‘hypocrite’, and locate Obasanjo’s hypocrisy in his own words, “The governor has a higher position than any oba when he’s in power. Even when I was president, I prostrated to kings, but when we are indoors, kings prostrate to me. Let’s uplift our culture.”
This statement exposed the Iseyin ego trip of Obasanjo, the anti-corruption messiah, who, as President, spent trillions of naira on electricity while light remained elusive at the end of the tunnel called Nigeria.
I’ll borrow another noun – manipulator – from Aunty Iyabo, and use it as an adjective, manipulative. OBJ wasn’t perturbed about the obas not standing up to greet Governor Makinde. He was angered that the kings didn’t stand up to greet him, Obasanjo, the father of modern Nigeria.
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He started his argument by first recognising the supremacy and incumbency of the governor, and he thereafter wangled himself into situational relevance despite not being situated in power himself, extolling his self-importance after barking at the kings.
“The governor has a higher position than any oba when he’s in power,” Obasanjo began sweetly, Even when I was President, I prostrated to kings, but when we are indoors, kings prostrate to me. Let’s uplift our culture.” Págà! Àgbàlágbà o gbodò sorò bí ewe! An adult mustn’t trifle the Oro cult. What culture is Ebora Owu uplifting by saying in public that traditional rulers prostrate to him? Baba Gbenga, that sucks. Soothingly, however, Aunty Iyabo had rightly alluded to her father’s vainglory, warning, “Dear Daddy, you don’t own Nigeria.”
When he had the floor, the ex-President could’ve expressed his disagreement with the attitude of the monarchs in an omoluabi manner, cautioning: ‘owo die die ni ara n fe o’ or ‘ki kere labere n kere, kii se mimi fun adiye’. All the monarchs would’ve stood up to greet him and the governor, and also apologise. Probably, they would’ve revealed if it was exhaustion from the long wait for the governor’s entourage that got the better of them. But OBJ, owing to his khaki brashness, lost the opportunity to earn the apology of the rulers he enrobes in public but disrobed indoors.
Makinde, an Americana, didn’t seem to care whether some old men greeted him or not. Ajise bi Oyo la a ri… He appeared more focused on the job than on greetings. If he feels slighted by the kings’ action, he knows the strings to pull.
I pity the Council of Yoruba Obas headed by the Ooni of Ife, Oba Enitan Adeyeye. The Iseyin situation is both a fart and salt in the mouth. In trying to spit out the fart, the salt may be lost. I commiserate.
Remember that banker-turned-politician, who turned up looking funny in a baggy suit, red tie and a pair of sneakers at last year’s Nigerian Bar Association conference in Abuja? He’s the Vice President today. His name is Kashim Shettima, an Excellency.
I had a smart classmate at Archbishop Aggey Memorial Secondary School, Mushin, Lagos. His first name was Hakeem. I’ll keep a lid on his surname, in case his children read this. We nicknamed him Slate because of the flatness of his occiput (back of the head), which the Yoruba call ògo.
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Hakeem was tall, yet he wore small shirts and shorts. He didn’t know how to play football, but he was the first to always reach the field. Leave him with the ball and an empty net, Hakeem won’t score. Girls made jest of him but he thought he was Romeo. Oh, Hakeem! This is Isaac, your mate in classes 1, 2 and 3. I formed the Love Brothers group. Do you remember my nickname? Don’t say it o. The world must not hear it. I told my children about some of our escapades as Love Brothers, they laughed till tears streamed down their faces. I told them about how we emptied the various beers your foster mother kept in the fridge for sale, and how she dragged you by the ear to the school the next morning.
Shettima is brilliant upstairs but clumsy in manner. He knows what is right but in trying to do the right thing, he missteps, sometimes. Shettima wants to speak with charm but lacks the Obama grace. He craves sartorial elegance but when his red tie winked underneath his suit, he became a butt of jokes.
A few days ago after Shettima hosted his classmates at the university, he said, “We’re the luckiest among Nigerians. We are not better than our next-door neighbour. Yesterday, I hosted my classmates from the University of Ibadan, the MSC class of 1991.
“The best-graduating student in my class was one Oladipo. Oladipo is languishing as a DGM in one mediocre bank. He was the best-graduating student, that goes to show that we’re here not because we’re the best of the best…”
I don’t think Shettima was trying to ridicule Oladipo because Oladipo dusted him in class. I think it was just a case of not knowing when to stop talking, a plane overshooting the runway. It’s what the Yoruba call alásojámù. Oga Shetty, it’s not everyone that has access to public purse as politicians do. Equating Oladipo’s dignity in labour with languishing was a highhanded i-k-a. Calling his workplace mediocre shows why small banks won’t grow in the four years of your administration. What would Oladipo’s children, wife, friends and co-workers think about your loquacity? What lessons are you teaching the Nigerian youth when you rubbished academic excellence and extol materialism? Mr. Oladipo deserves an apology, Mr. VP.
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The third and final horse in the tro-i-k-a of highhandedness was mounted by popular Lagos pastor, Tunde Bakare, who said the late Afrobeat singer, Ilerioluwa Aloba aka Mohbad, reaped the harvest of ‘smoking and associating with evil men’.
Speaking in Leicester, United Kingdom, where candlelight processions were held in memory of Mohbad, some days ago, Bakare said, “My wife and I listened to a tape last night on MohBad. How many of you know MohBad? The Nigerian artiste who died at 27? MohBad. When he was drinking and smoking and associating with evil men, he did not know that the harvest would come so soon and that he would soon be cut down at the prime of youth. I am not blaming him, I am just telling you. Is MohBad a good name? Moh Bad.”
Because I’m a child of God, I’ll not say Pastor Bakare is lying. But I’ve repeatedly read his above-quoted comment on Mobad’s lifestyle and his submission that Mobad deserved the end he got. One word fit and proper to describe Bakare’s comment on Mobad is sophistry. Saying that he wasn’t passing judgment on the singer was the father of all lies.
I’m not going to pass judgment on the blind presidential vision of Bakare which couldn’t land him in Aso Rock as he predicted, after spending N100m to purchase the All Progressives Congress presidential form. I won’t judge Bakare because I know that for everything there’s a season, a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to mourn, a time to rejoice, a time to talk, and a time to keep shut.
Concluded.
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola

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Opinion

2027: Competence, Not Zoning, Should Decide Nigeria’s Next President — Imasuagbon

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Nigerians should look beyond ethnicity, region and the longstanding debate over rotational presidency when choosing the country’s next leader, according to a chieftain of the African Democratic Congress (ADC), Kenneth Imasuagbon.

The former Edo State governorship aspirant said the priority ahead of the 2027 election should be finding a president with the ability to confront Nigeria’s economic, security and infrastructure challenges.

Speaking to journalists in Benin, Imasuagbon argued that presidential rotation is not a requirement of the Nigerian Constitution and should therefore not outweigh the question of competence.

He said voters should be more concerned about replacing poor schools with better ones, improving healthcare and addressing hardship than debating where the next president comes from.

Imasuagbon specifically appealed to voters in the South to support former Vice President Atiku Abubakar, who is contesting the 2027 presidency on the ADC platform.

According to him, Atiku has demonstrated the experience and determination needed to improve the country, describing the former vice president as someone capable of promoting national unity and fairness.

He also accused the Bola Tinubu administration of worsening economic pressure through policies including the removal of fuel subsidy, while expressing concern about the condition of roads, electricity and other infrastructure.

Imasuagbon argued that the next administration must focus on practical improvements in areas such as power, transportation, employment, security and public services.

The ADC chieftain also dismissed the idea that the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) would automatically benefit from its incumbency advantage in 2027.

He maintained that the electorate ultimately determines the outcome of an election, arguing that voters could change the political direction of the country if they were determined to do so.

Imasuagbon further criticised what he described as regional and ethnic considerations in the distribution of political appointments and opportunities, insisting that the next president should give Nigerians across different parts of the country a sense of belonging.

His comments come as political parties and their candidates intensify preparations for the 2027 presidential election.

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Lesson from Dotun Oladipo’s Brave Daughters, by Bamidele Johnson

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Lesson from Dotun Oladipo’s Brave Daughters, by Bamidele Johnson

 

I hope to grow old. I want to see my kids become real adults, find their own feet, make mistakes, recover from them, and perhaps one day complain that their own children are giving them grey hairs. I want that plainly stated before anything else, as everything that follows might read as a man agreeing to an early exit rather than a man simply being honest about the odds.

I want the decades. I want to become the grandfather who repeats the same stories until nobody bothers correcting him anymore. But wanting a thing and being granted are different things. The last year has made that difference harder to ignore than I would like. I have lost many friends recently to keep thinking that optimism is my natural resting state. Some of these men had better blood pressure than mine, better habits, better everything that is supposed to count. It did not save them.

There is no formula I know that reliably separates the men who make it to 70 from those who do not. Anyone who says he knows one is selling something. So, I do not assume that old age is an already booked destination. Even if I once did, which I doubt, the last three years have cured me of such an illusion. As such, I treat it as a hope rather than an expectation, and I have found that a more honest way to live.

It is exactly why I want something placed on record now, while I am still able to place things on record, rather than leave it for people to guess what my wishes were in the fog of a funeral week. If I do not make old bones, my children are not to be asked to read tributes at my funeral. Not one line, however short, however lovingly written.

This, for me, was settled today rather than re-opened. At Dotun Oladipo’s funeral service, his three daughters took turns to read their tributes to their dad, and I found myself watching them with awe. There was a kind of strength in them that I do not possess. It is the strength needed to stand in front of a hall brimming with grieving adults and speak about a man they have just lost. Forever. Strength, however, is not the same as ease. I could see plainly what that strength was costing them as they read. Their voices caught. Their composure held and then did not hold and then held again through sheer will.

In front of them, in the pews, men and women considerably older than them came undone in ways the girls themselves were somehow managing to resist. I went mightily close. Some of the sobbing was quiet, the type people try to fold into a handkerchief. Some of it was not quiet at all, the kind that announces itself whether or not you want it.

Those young women honoured their father with a grace that is beyond me. What they did was astonishing. So, what I am attempting is an observation of a custom I have now watched wound people. This was not the first time I had watched this particular ritual extract more than it should from people already running on fumes. I saw an earlier and harder version of it at a friend’s wake back in 2015.

The first son was called forward to read his father’s tribute, and he could not do it. He tried, but the words would not come, and he stood there in front of a crowd of mourners, with his grief simply refusing to organise itself into sentences. The officiating minister, rather than releasing him from the task, urged him to continue. I sat fizzing with sorrow and ire. He could not go on and, eventually, the minister accepted, but not before insisting a while longer than it should have reasonably taken. His younger brother was called up next, presumably on the theory that if one grieving son could not manage it, maybe another one could. He flunked it in the same way. Grief does not distribute itself more conveniently among siblings just because a programme has been printed and needs to be followed.

I have turned that memory over many times since, trying to work out why this part of the rites is treated as mandatory in the first place. I have not found a satisfying answer. Maybe it comes from a belief that a child’s words carry more weight than anyone else’s, which may even be true, but weight is exactly the problem when those carrying it are struggling to hold themselves together with nothing but adrenaline and the fear of dissolving in public.

Maybe it is simply inertia, the reason we still do a hundred things at funerals that nobody can explain the original purpose of. Either way, I have stopped looking for the justification. I no longer think one exists that is good enough to weigh against what I watched happen to that boy in 2015.

So, let this stand as my instruction rather than my preference, the kind of thing I would rather state plainly now than leave for my children to infer later from how uncertain I sound when the subject comes up in passing. If I do not get the old age I am hoping for, my children will not be asked to read a single word over my body. Someone else can speak for me. A friend, a stranger with a steadier voice and a smaller stake in the loss, anyone whose grief will not be quite so total that standing upright becomes almost impossible.

My children, of course, will sit in front and fall apart if that is what the day requires of them, but without the microphone. That, at least, is one small mercy I intend to arrange for them while I am still here to arrange it.

Dotun deserved every bit of the send-off his daughters gave him today, and I suspect he would have been the first to tell them to sit down and let someone else carry the weight for a while. He did not get a say in that, as none of us ever do once we are the ones being spoken of rather than the ones speaking. Rest well, Dotun. You raised three young women whose strength I will not soon forget. That alone says everything worth saying about the man you were.

 

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‘Tinubu Will Win Again in 2027’ — Charismatic Bishops’ Secretary

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‘Tinubu Will Win Again in 2027’ — Charismatic Bishops’ Secretary

A senior Nigerian cleric, Archbishop Chivir Chianson, has declared that President Bola Tinubu will retain the presidency after the 2027 general election, attributing the prediction to a message he said came from God.

Chianson, who serves as Secretary General of the Charismatic Bishops’ Conference of Nigeria, made the statement while appearing on Arise Television on Saturday.

Rather than basing his prediction on political calculations, the archbishop said his confidence came from what he described as the prophetic role of bishops.

He maintained that the conference had previously spoken about Tinubu’s political future based on what he said was divine revelation and that the President would return for another term.

Chianson also predicted that Tinubu’s performance would improve if he wins the 2027 election.

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Addressing the political opposition, the cleric said the bishops could not be blamed if rival parties failed to unite or organise themselves effectively ahead of the election.

He also sought to clarify the position of the bishops when dealing with government, saying their role in speaking truth to power did not mean they should approach political leaders with hostility or disrespect.

According to him, the Constitution, alongside their religious convictions, should guide how they engage the President and the country.

Chianson said he was sufficiently confident in his prediction to promise that he would return to the Arise TV studio after the 2027 election, when he expects the result to demonstrate that the bishops’ prophecy was correct.

His comments add a religious dimension to the increasingly active political conversation surrounding the 2027 presidential race.

‘Tinubu Will Win Again in 2027’ — Charismatic Bishops’ Secretary

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