How to turn perceived ‘messy sex’ to great sex, by Tiwa Says

Yes, sex can be messy, but it is also great fun.

Think of you eating any of our local Nigerian dishes, with your bare hands, the soup running down your hand and you lap it up with your tongue…craving every drop, not wanting any to go to waste…that’s how sweet and messy sex should be.

Yet, unfortunately, sex is seen as a dirty act that should be made clean and controlled Sadly, we have been taught to believe that our genitals and all it entails…from fluids to smells, are things to be ashamed of. This greatly affects our perception and acceptance of our bodies and how we respond sexually.

The truth is that you are not as dirty as you think.

A lot of people are in perpetual fear of smelling or tasting bad to their partners. These fears and disgust are mostly gotten from the myths about odours and bodily functions that produce them.

After normal body hygiene has been taken care of, these body functions are normal and not dirty at all.

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Still, no one wants to be told, they smell bad. It is a big turn off.

Let’s analyse some of these seemingly offensive fluids:

Saliva: also known as spit, is produced in the mouth. It is odourless, except you just ate something that has a strong flavour or you have oral health issues. Saliva is functional sexually in kissing, oral sex, and sometimes as a lubricant.

Sweat: sweat is totally natural — it’s our body’s way of keeping us from getting overheated. Sex can be a workout, but even if you’re having slow and lazy sex, you’ll probably notice a bit of extra perspiration. Still, a lot of people find their partner sweating to be a turn-on

Male pre-ejaculatory fluid: this is secreted in the early stages of arousal. It is also referred to as pre-cum. It is clear and slippery and can be used as lubrication. The smell varies from person to person.

Male ejaculatory fluid: this contains semen and prostatic fluid. It has a distinctive smell and is thicker in texture than the pre-cum.

Female arousal fluid: this is produced as a natural lubricant during sex. It is not the same as normal vaginal discharge. It has little or no odour, although that is determined by the state of the vagina.

Female ejaculatory fluid: like men, women also ejaculate through the urethra. It is a clear fluid that may also contain prostatic fluid. It can also be odourless depending on whatever has passed through the urethra before that time.

Rectal fluid: it is secreted by the mucus membranes of the rectum. It can give some lubrication during anal sex. It has a rather pungent smell.

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Menstrual blood: The menstrual blood is partly blood and partly tissue from inside the uterus. It passes out of the body through the vagina. Having penetrative and non-penetrative intercourse while menstruating is totally fine, as long as you’re comfortable and in the mood. For centuries, women have struggled with shame surrounding both their sensuality and menstruation. There is no biological reason to feel bad about either of these things together or separately. Period sex can be great if you’re open to it. One study even suggested that your comfort level with period sex could have major implications for your sex life overall.

Now that we have identified these fluids, here’s how to deal with them.

a. Use a condom: if you are not sure of what STIs your partner may have, or if it’s other fluids you are uncomfortable about, condoms are always a safe choice. They serve as barriers to keep the risk of fluid STIs to a minimum. This also applies to oral sex.

b. Because of the risk of introducing bacteria from the rectum to the vagina, it is always better to avoid moving from anal sex to other types of sex at the same time. If you must, use a separate condom for each act or save the anal sex for last.

c. There’s nothing wrong in getting dirty for some fun. You can always take a bath afterwards.

Above all, try not to get carried away in controlling what happens during sex sessions, know that there will sometimes be noises, gushes, smells and even blood. Always remember that all these are part of the real and raw human experience. Learning to accept this fact can help you to enjoy sex more fully.

Have a good one.

#tiwa_says.