Love, sex and scam in 2022, by Tunde Odesola - Newstrends
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Love, sex and scam in 2022, by Tunde Odesola

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Tunde Odesola

As the new year unfurls its carpet of promise and hope, it won’t be nice to stain the carpet, so early, with footprints from the dunghill of sufferings created last year by the retired Major General Muhammadu Buhari-led incompetent regime.

Therefore, I won’t dwell on President Buhari and his regime in my inaugural article of 2022. There are more worthwhile issues to discuss than the depressing news of killings and teary graves across Nigeria.

Even if it’s for a few hours in the new year, the stone-hearted in powerful corridors nationwide know, without conceding, that Nigerians deserve a break from the endless reportage of killings, kidnappings and crises fast replacing the national anthem.

So, in this article, I’ll ignore the Fulani general and his star-studded cabinet that have come unstuck like the incisors of a poisonous snake while rats catwalk in sight.

Herein, I’ll talk about a rising trend among Nigerian youths, which is, the act of kneeling to propose marriage. Is it real or fake? What’s your view about it?

Love is a four-letter word, and so is scam. A profound article by a Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco, Louann Brizendine, explains the vast difference between the brain of a female and that of a male.

Brizendine, a member of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, says while the female brain is driven to seek security and reliability in a potential mate before she has sex, the male brain is fuelled to mate and mate again…for life.

In the article entitled, “Love, sex and the male brain,” published on CNN website on March 25, 2010, the member, National Board of Medical Examiners, also says male brains have a sexual pursuit area that is 2.5 times larger than the one in female brains.

She writes, “If testosterone were beer, a 9-year-old would be getting the equivalent of a cup a day. But a 15-year-old would be getting the equivalent of nearly two gallons a day. This fuels their sexual engines and makes it impossible for them to stop thinking about female body parts and sex.”

Brizendine further observes that all that testosterone drives the ‘Man Trance’, which she describes as ‘that glazed-eye look a man gets when he sees breasts’, stressing that men can’t stop themselves from entering the trance.

She remarks that men look at attractive women the way women look at pretty butterflies, adding that minutes after men snapped out of their one-second reveries, women are still fuming that men looked at other beauties.

However, the MD and clinician discloses that the male brain can fall in love just as hard and fast as the female brain, stressing that men have stronger emotional reactions than women but ‘they just don’t show it very often…men use their analytical brain structures, not their emotional ones’.

The 69-year-old American scientist summarises her article in these words, “The best advice I have for women is to make peace with the male brain. Let men be men.”

To differ completely from the submission of Brizendine is to ignore the hooting horn of the train called science.

To submit in totality to Brizendine’s advice, however, is tantamount to the female laying herself vulnerable to the whims of the average male who’s ready to go to great lengths to satisfy his libido.

I’ll advise the female youths to be careful, think with their heads, and not their hearts, when a guy comes kneeling down like the lame at the Beautiful Gate.

Proposing on one knee is a tradition that dates back to medieval times when knights bowed before noblewomen, asking them the age-long phrase, “Will you marry me?”

But today, the practice has become one of the tricks young Nigerian men employ to lure young women into steady sexual relationships, and satisfy their testosterone loads, fleeing after breaking their promises – most of the time.

I’m not saying that ladies open up their hearts to men only when they propose on their knees, I know the economic situation of the country has made many girls open their legs to men with plates of noodles or akara or suya etc.

I’m saying ladies lose their heads and hearts thinking marriage is in the bag when men propose with rings on bended knees.

Like many misunderstood western traditions, I’ve seen videos of proposing Nigerian males going down on two knees like someone serving corporal punishment; medieval knights proposed on just one knee!

You never appreciate what you have until you lose it. I strongly believe that the gains of Nigerian marriage rites that include presentation of rings and food items during ceremonies outweigh the momentary showiness of bended-knee proposal.

Nigerian marriage rites not only strengthen nuptials, they also symbolise that the union of a man and a woman as husband and wife is family-based unlike the misdone bended-knee concept which underscores the me-and-my-husband idea of marriage.

Before a man can go on bended knee, he should’ve, beforehand, sounded the lady’s opinion about the possibility of marrying him, he should’ve secretly told some members of her family about his decision, chosen a location, and known her ring size and preference.

It’s childish to knee down in a mall, buka, or nightclub, and pop out misfitting engagement rings on a lady who isn’t in love with you, in the first place. That’s a scam. That’s the type of union that ends in e-divorce.

A black American friend of mine, Tina Martin, who lives in Decatur, Alabama, sees nothing wrong with proposing on bended knee, saying it portrays humility and commitment. Martin, however, adds that most bended-knee proposals don’t live up to the promises.

Two white Americans, Jennifer Henderson (36) and Shaylor Terry (29), who work in Hartselle, Alabama, expressed their preference for a private proposal, just as another white lady, Emily Jeffers (20), spoke in support of a lavish, public proposal.

My secondary schoolmate, Kemi Samuel, who’s based in the UK, and a US-based friend, Olusegun Adeyina, described kneeling to propose as negating African tradition.

Sometimes, we truly never know the value of a practice until it becomes a memory. Nigerian languages are dying today because the English Language has been promoted over them. Nigeria should be the only country in the world where pupils are fined in schools for speaking their mother tongue. Likewise, Nigerian native dresses are despised while English dresses are approved to be worn to work and schools from Monday to Thursday by authorities.

I believe that the buba and sokoto Nigerian dress is more fitting and more convenient than the shirt and trousers bequeathed to us by colonialists.

In the US, nobody really notices what you wear if you’re in shirts and trousers etc, except when you wear sports jerseys or designers. But when you wear any African dress, genuine words of appreciation from blacks and whites will follow you till you return home. People will stop you at malls to ask where they can get the type of dress you’re wearing. It happens to me every time I wear African dresses.

Returning from church one Sunday, I went off to a mall in company with my children. A young black American lady walked towards me, and asked where she could get my kind of Nigerian attire to buy.

I thought she was trying to sell a product to me. I smiled at her, and said, “Some other time, please,” and walked away.

My shocked children caught up with me and asked me what I told the lady. I said I told her I didn’t want to buy any policy or product. They all burst out laughing, saying she wasn’t asking to sell anything to me. They explained that she was only appreciating my dress and was asking where she could buy it. I felt bad, went back to the spot but she was nowhere to be found.

Since that day, I got the nickname, “Some other time,” from my children.

Please, let’s appreciate our values before we lose them all. Happy New Year!

Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com; Facebook: @tunde odesola; Twitter: @tunde_odesola.

Published in The PUNCH on Monday, January 3, 2022.

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Opinion

UI, UCH and the Question of Inclusive Leadership

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UI, UCH and the Question of Inclusive Leadership
Saudi-based Nigerian Islamic scholar, Mallam Ibrahim Agunbiade

UI, UCH and the Question of Inclusive Leadership

By Mallam Ibrahim Agunbiade
agunbiadeib@gmail.com

July 23, 2026

The appointment of Professor Peter Olamakinde Olapegba as the 14th substantive Vice-Chancellor of the University of Ibadan (UI), effective November 1, 2026, is deserving of congratulations. I wish him a successful tenure as he takes on the responsibility of leading Nigeria’s premier university.

The reported competitive process through which he emerged—following the assessment of eight candidates and the shortlisting of five for the final stage—is commendable, provided it was conducted transparently and strictly on merit.

However, this development also raises an important question that deserves honest and constructive discussion: When will a qualified Muslim have the opportunity to emerge as Vice-Chancellor of the University of Ibadan?

This question is not directed at Professor Olapegba or his Christian faith. If he emerged as the best candidate through a fair and transparent process, then he deserves the support of all Nigerians. My concern is whether qualified Nigerians of different faiths enjoy equal opportunities to compete for the highest leadership positions in our national institutions.

The same question applies to the University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan, where a change in leadership is expected in the coming months. It is therefore time for stakeholders to begin constructive conversations about the appointment of the next Chief Medical Director (CMD).

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I believe that qualified and competent Muslim professionals should be encouraged and given a fair opportunity to compete for the position. If the best candidate happens to be a Muslim, there should be no hesitation in appointing that individual. Equally, if the best candidate is a Christian or belongs to another faith, the same principle of merit should apply.

This is not a call for religious quotas or preferential treatment. Rather, it is a call for a level playing field.

A Muslim should not be appointed simply because he is a Muslim, just as a Christian should not be appointed simply because he is a Christian. Leadership must be based on competence, integrity, experience, and the capacity to deliver.

However, merit can only be meaningful when every qualified candidate has a genuine opportunity to compete without bias or discrimination.

The University of Ibadan and UCH are national institutions that belong to all Nigerians. Their leadership should therefore reflect the principles of fairness, inclusiveness, equal opportunity, and merit.

As Professor Olapegba prepares to assume office, I congratulate him once again and wish him a successful tenure. At the same time, I believe this is the right moment to ask whether our leadership selection processes truly provide equal opportunities for all qualified Nigerians.

As the succession process at UCH approaches, I urge stakeholders to ensure that no qualified candidate is excluded—consciously or unconsciously—because of religious identity. Let the process be transparent, competitive, and firmly anchored on merit.

I am not asking for a Muslim to be appointed simply because he is a Muslim. I am asking that no qualified Muslim should be denied the opportunity to lead simply because of his religious identity.

The same principle should apply to every Nigerian, regardless of faith or background.

Let merit prevail. Let competence prevail. Let fairness prevail.

 

UI, UCH and the Question of Inclusive Leadership

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Case for replicating the Oyo kidnap-rescue template nationwide, By Farooq Kperogi

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Case for replicating the Oyo kidnap-rescue template nationwide, By Farooq Kperogi
Farooq Kperogi

Case for replicating the Oyo kidnap-rescue template nationwide, By Farooq Kperogi

Because human beings are prone to perceive nonexistent patterns, connections and intentional design even in random or unrelated events, a cognitive tendency called apophenia, and because Nigerians have an enduring and justified mistrust of government, I have seen many people question whether the abduction and rescue of pupils and teachers from three schools in the Yawota and Ahoro-Esinele communities of Oriire Local Government Area in Oyo State really happened.

The mistrust is legitimate, but I find the apophenic leap from mistrust to the conclusion that the entire episode was staged a little unsettling.

I am convinced by the available evidence that pupils and teachers were indeed abducted by despicably homicidal terrorists. I have seen no credible evidence that any government paid criminals to stage the spectacle of an abduction and rescue.

Contemporary reporting documented the May 15 attacks, identified abducted children and teachers, interviewed their relatives and recorded the killing of two teachers before the surviving captives regained their freedom.

Terrorist groups have been abducting and killing innocent students for more than a decade and have never needed prompting from politicians to do so. Attributing their heinous crimes to sponsorship by rival factions within the Nigerian political class unintentionally exculpates these scoundrels and converts murderers into mere instruments of political intrigue.

That said, there is no complete clarity about how the pupils and teachers regained their freedom. Government critics have alleged, without evidence, that a huge ransom was paid as a precondition for their release. As I will show later, I doubt this.

But the government’s version of how the pupils and teachers were rescued is not entirely coherent, either.

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The Presidency initially described the rescue as the outcome of a successful joint military, police and intelligence operation. It said eight suspected kidnappers were arrested, other members of the group were killed and neither ransom nor a prisoner exchange was involved. The abductors had allegedly demanded the release of a detained terrorist leader, but the government said he remained in custody and was being prosecuted.

The Army’s subsequent account was less dramatic than the Presidency’s early language suggested. It did not say troops stormed the camp and physically extracted the hostages during a firefight. Instead, it said a month-long intelligence operation identified the group’s leaders, informants, logistical networks and hideouts. According to the Army, arrests disrupted the group and exerted pressure that “ultimately led the terrorist group to unconditionally release the pupils and teachers.”

In a July 10 interview with Tinubu-owned TVC News, former DSS operative Seyi Adetayo offered a more specific but as yet uncorroborated explanation of the operational modalities of the rescue. He claimed that government security operatives identified and detained some kidnappers’ mothers, wives, children and other associates, sent recordings of those arrests to the abductors and combined coercive pressure with intelligence operations. He also claimed that the terrorists were warned that harm to their captives would bring harm to their relatives.

Based on the available evidence, the most defensible interpretation of what happened is that this was an unusually collaborative, intelligence-driven and coercively negotiated release. It was probably not a conventional battlefield rescue. Nor does it appear to have been a ransom-propelled release.

This actually fills me with hope. It means the government may have found a potentially effective template for disrupting terrorist networks and rescuing their victims without exposing abductees to the indiscriminate violence of a frontal military assault.

But the part of the template worth replicating is its lawful core: interagency cooperation, careful intelligence gathering, the identification of terrorist networks, the disruption of their supply routes and the arrest of culpable collaborators.

There would be no greater evidence for the truth of the government’s account of the Oriire rescue than the successful replication of its methods in unresolved mass-abduction cases nationwide.

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The February 3-4 terrorist assault on Woro and neighboring Nuku communities in Kaiama Local Government Area of Kwara State not only killed scores of people but also led to a mass abduction. UNICEF reported that around 176 women, including pregnant women, and children were kidnapped from Woro.

More than five months later, the victims have not been released, according to the latest public reports. The terrorists have released videos showing women and small children appealing desperately for intervention. They, too, need the collaborative intelligence-gathering energies that security agencies deployed in Oyo.

On May 15, suspected militants abducted 42 children from Mussa Primary and Junior Secondary School and surrounding homes in Askira-Uba Local Government Area of Borno State. Some of the abductees were extremely young. According to the latest available reporting, all 42 remain missing.

There was a separate school attack in Lassa town in the same local government area in Borno on June 29. Gunmen attacked Government Day Secondary School while students were taking examinations. Eight people were rescued, but 36 students and one staff member remain captive. The students comprised 25 girls and 11 boys.

On June 7, in Magamin Diddi village in Maradun Local Government Area of Zamfara State, bandits reportedly invited villagers to what was presented as a peace meeting and then abducted them. The police confirmed that 39 people were taken, although community estimates were as high as 50. The kidnappers reportedly demanded ₦125 million and released some captives to communicate the demand. There has been no authoritative public account of the remaining captives’ release.

Nor should the passage of time cause older victims to disappear from the national conscience. Eighty-nine of the Chibok schoolgirls abducted in 2014 remain officially unaccounted for. Their families have endured more than a decade of promises, occasional discoveries and prolonged uncertainty.

There are many more cases than I have the space to chronicle in this column. Security forces presumably have records of mass abductions, including many that never made the national news. Yet Nigeria has developed a disturbing ritual in which outrage follows an abduction, officials promise decisive action and public attention eventually moves elsewhere while families remain imprisoned in terrifyingly crippling uncertainty.

The true test of the Oyo operation is not the applause it generated after one dramatic success but the number of forgotten captives its methods can bring home. If its intelligence model worked as the government says it did, it should become a national operational doctrine rather than a self-contained public-relations trophy.

Replicating it in Woro, Mussa, Lassa, Magamin Diddi and other communities would simultaneously rescue imperiled citizens, restore public faith in the capacity of the government to perform its primary duty and begin to extirpate a kidnapping economy that has destroyed communal peace and individual peace of mind across Nigeria. Until that happens, Oyo remains an encouraging breakthrough, but not yet a proven national template.

 

 

Case for replicating the Oyo kidnap-rescue template nationwide, By Farooq Kperogi

Kperogi is a renowned columnist and United States-based professor of journalism 

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Shettima’s final test, by Azu Ishiekwene

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Azu Ishiekwene
Azu Ishiekwene

Shettima’s final test, by Azu Ishiekwene

Shettima’s final test, by Azu Ishiekwene

•Ishiekwene is the Editor-In-Chief of LEADERSHIP and author of the book, Writing for Media and Monetising It. 

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