Obaship: Will Tinubu violate Yoruba culture for MC Oluomo?
(Published in The PUNCH, on Friday, March 24, 2023)
“Yokolu, yokolu, ko ha tan bi? Tinubu gbe won sanle, won ti yoke!” is a Yoruba song of victory depicting the merciless manner Oduduwa incarnate, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, smashed the spine of the enemy against Aso Rock.
Hehehehe! If you lift your eyes unto the East, and ask from where does your help come, please, discontinue reading this article because your help will never come! I don’t care whatever name you call me, I care the Almighty god of Lagos has taught the children of discord a lesson. I’m glad they won’t stop crying in eight years.
They are forever stubborn and stiff-necked like a fake KDK fan – these people who eat stones without drinking water, who wolf down yestern bread from the eastern parts without drinking tea, and yet demand freshly cooked gbegiri and amala in Lagos. If they are not stubborn, they should have heeded the advice of the lipless, wetin-you-carry Oba in Lagos, who saw tomorrow, and graciously advised them to jump into the lagoon.
I think drowning in the lagoon then is less painful than the prospect of being pushed down from Asso Rock now, one after the other, breaking necks, splitting spines and cracking limbs. Long may the Lagos monarch, Kabiyesi Real One, live for his foresight and fatherly advice.
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The Atlantic Ocean never rests. The enemies of Tinubu will never rest. They wailed when Bola only had marine powers, controlling the Atlantic, the lagoon and Odo Iya Alaro. Now that he’s set to control the air, land and sea, let’s see where they will run to.
Mungun, if you think the owner of the bronze mortar only controls the sea and air, where in your reckoning is his land army led by the bloody illiterate called MC Oluomo, whose eyes are set on the stool of Oshodi? Did you say that MC Oluomo is horrendous? That an agbero can never become king in Yoruba land? You’re a goat! A blind, deaf and dumb goat for that matter. Is a former recharge card seller, Tunde, (I’ll change my name soon), not calling the shots in Asso Rock today? Listen, and hear me clearly, please; anything the All Progressives Congress touches turns to rust. Go and ask the dying giant, Nigeria.
Hahahahaha! I laugh a sad laugh. Erin iyangi. I’m utterly sad and scandalised that MC Oluomo, a dropout agbero, is APC leader whom senators, House of Representatives members, House of Assembly members, local government chairmen etc bow before in Oshodi-Isolo area. Ha!!! Uncle Bola, aye ma n baje lo re e!
Why would the youth want to go to school or stay away from crime when they see the life Oluomo is living? Why won’t MC Oluomo’s sidekick, the moron called Koko Zaria (imagine the name), threaten to beat up some female artistes and even call former President Olusegun Obasanjo, Chief Ayo Opadokun, Chief Bode George, Dele Farotimi, Falz, Mr Macaroni etc unprintable names?
Political patronage shouldn’t be measured by the number of skulls acquired during conquests. Patronage should be on account of hard work, obedience to law and order, creativity, innovation, enterprise, nobility etc.
Hahahahaha. I laugh a sad laugh. The king that will fetter the elephant has yet to be enthroned. Who can stop Tinubu when his mind is made up? Tell me, who will stop Alameda from enthroning a serially accused murder suspect from becoming king in Yoruba land?
Did you not see how MC Oluomo, a hooligan, was swaying anticlockwise, like a lizard on hindlegs, on the streets, distributing garri to rowdy crowds in disguised vote buying when he could simply have told the impoverished crowds to queue up and benefit from his atrocity?
Musiliu Akinsanya doesn’t understand law and order. He understands brawl and Luger. Choose: Pig and filth or MC Oluomo and bloodiness – Omoluabi Yoruba will pick pig and filth. And it’s not about being picky, it’s about not descending into anarchy.
Osun descended into disorder when it enthroned a wife beater, hemp smoker, Yahoo-Yahoo, and Canadian convict as king, Lagos will surpass that record by installing as the king of Oshodi, a reputable man of immeasurable violence, MC Oluomo, who warned the Igbo not to come out and vote during the last general elections.
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Instead of the police investigating Oluomo for his inciting remark, the police became his lawyer, saying ‘let’s take it that he (Oluomo) was joking.’ Hahahaha! Oluomo n fi iku sere. The lifetime award for the ‘Most Useless Force’ in the world belongs to the Nigerian Police Force.
Let’s even imagine some ‘eru iku’ – merchants of death – in the National Union of Road Transport Workers rape a lady or kill someone, and the case was brought to Oba MC, (imagine the crazy name), in whose favour would the lout-turned-king rule? President Bola Ahmed Tinubu, the Yoruba do not deserve a real-life Itu Baba Ita of the late Gbenga Adebayo comic series.
It’s bad enough that some members of a murderous transport union rode on the back of your support to trample on the law and become terror that stalks round the clock. Making MC Oluomo king as a compensation for his violence would be a sin against humanity.
Oluomo boasted in one of his insulting videos that since he knew you in the 1990s, he had been highly favoured by you. Tinubu, omo Abibatu Mogaji, imagine, MC Oluomo and his gang have unfettered access to you – you, a first-class brain, whereas millions of graduates and hard-working Nigerians can’t live on $1 per day each. Please, do not aid the illiterate Oluomo in carrying his meal offering past the mosque. Please, let your umbilical cord with Oluomo remain on the owner-dog level. Please, don’t put the blue blood of Yoruba royalty at the risk of rabies from the attack dog.
Jagaban, now that you will be President, it’s time you made away with those unconventional soldiers led by Oluomo because you will now be the Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces. Where would you keep these frankenstein monsters? You can keep them in your palace in Bourdillon, it’s big enough but they will go haywire if you put them in a Yoruba palace. ‘Omo ile ni won, bi e gbe won si ori beedi, won a ja bo’ – they’re ne’er-do-well, put them on the bed, they will still fall and sleep on the floor.
I’m a Christian, but the import of Muslims giving honour and adoration to the late Prophet Mohammed (PBUH), and also reciting for the dead and the living, the Kurisiyu prayer found in Suratul Baqara, just hit me. May the soul of Chief Obafemi Awolowo continue to find repose in the Lord. May the Lord keep the family he left behind. Will Awolowo install an MC Oluomo as king? Yes, there was a place for the Adelakuns and the Adedibus, but it was never in the palace.
If you intend development for Nigeria, Asiwaju, you shouldn’t put square pegs in round holes. Oluomo is not even a thread in any hole. He’s an abomination to royalty and decency. Yoruba obaship shouldn’t be suya and ‘paraga’ given to assuage bloody fools.
Chief Commander Ebenezer Obey, may the Lord bless him with many more years in good health. He once warned about the need to appoint good people into leadership positions, singing, “Ka to fi eyan j’oye laarin ilu, o ni lati je eni rere…” I’m sure you know the evergreen song, sir. Is MC Oluomo a good man? Can you allow him to marry your daughter, Oyinda?
Baba Seyi, choosing an oba should be a painstaking exercise – just like Nigerians took painstaking measures to elect their next president – but the Independent National Electoral Commission tossed a coin, which went up in the air and never came down, and while the people were still grumbling, INEC announced you as the winner.
Well, now that you’re president, Bobo Chicago, please, endeavour to write your name in gold through laudable policies, erasing the controversial memories of you in public mind. A good name, you will agree with me, is the passport needed for Aljanah fridaus, not stored up wealth. I wish you good speed, Your Excellency.
Facebook: @tunde odesola
Ooni: The public displays of a king (1)
Ooni: The public displays of a king (1) (more…)
Tinubu: The Crowning of the Spiderman
Tinubu: The Crowning of the Spiderman
(Published in The PUNCH, on Friday, June 2, 2023)
From football to jollof rice, and other sundry striving like music and acting, I love the healthy rivalry between Nigeria and Ghana. But truly, Ghanaians know which is the giant of the two countries just as Nigerians know that the tattered singlet of Musa at the gate is worthier that the starched khaki of the brain-lazy, woebegone retired Major-General.
Though farther than Benin Republic, Togo, Niger and Cameroon in terms of geography, Ghana is closer to Nigeria in terms of shared experience and colonial language.
“Imagination is better than knowledge,” I agree with this wisdom of Einstein, who expatiates that, “Knowledge is limited to what we know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there will ever be to know and understand.”
Through the trickery of the Tortoise, Nigerian folklore imagines connectivity between the dead and the living, weaving together a world of equality, freedom and dignity, where intelligence trumps force.
Similarly, Ghanaian mythology imagines the world through the labyrinth of the silk-spinning Spider, whose squishy body contrasts with the carapace of the Tortoise but both creatures’ legends secure a place for the weak in the society.
However, comeuppance awaits the Tortoise or the Spider whenever either wishes to take advantage of the vulnerable through wit and cunning.
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In the worldview of African forebears, before things fell apart, intelligence always triumphs whenever brute force runs naked, making the Yoruba say, “Ogbon ju agbara lo,” wisdom is greater than power.”
The story of former President Muhammadu Buhari and incumbent President Bola Tinubu is similar to the Ghanaian myth about Nyame and Anansi.
Anansi is a spider who wants to be the owner of all the stories known in the world, but all stories belong to Nyame, the sky god. Anansi tells Nyame of his wish to buy all the stories from him but Nyame tells the spider the price is unaffordable.
When Anansi insists, Nyame attempts to outfox him, saying Anansi could have all the stories of the world if he could capture the four most dangerous creatures in the world. An excited Anansi assures Nyame that he would capture all the four creatures, and even offers his own mother, Ya Nsia, to boot!
The four creatures include Onini, the python; Osebo, the leopard; Mmoatia, the Fairy; and a hive of Mmoboro Hornets.
Anansi has a beautiful wife, Aso, who is super cunning, and whom he listens to. With his wife’s advice, Anansi beguiles all four creatures, one after the other.
To capture Onini, his wife devises a plan, and they both set out for the brook where Onini lives. There, they began to argue loudly about Onini’s length. Onini comes out and Anansi tells him about their argument.
Onini brooks no contest with the majesty of its length, it quickly stretches out beside the branch which Anansi brought with him. To get an accurate measurement of Onini, Anansi advises that one end of the python be tied to the palm tree branch while the other end should be tied against the other end of the tree branch.
After tying the head of the snake to the branch, it was easy to persuade the snake to have its tail tied to the other end of the stick. And the python became more vulnerable than a sitting duck.
To capture the leopard, Anansi digs a hole in the ground along the path which Osebo treads, covering it up with brushwood. Returning home after dark, Osebo falls into the pit. Anansi, the Good Samaritan, offers to get Osebo out of the hole through his web. But when the leopard got out of the hole, he remained a prisoner in Anansi’s web and was subsequently carried to Nyame’s palace.
The spider entraps the Mmoatia Fairy by making a doll covered in glue and placing it in the prairie where the fairy plays. She sees the doll and gets attracted to it, touches it with both hands and becomes glued.
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Anansi lures the Mmoboro hornets into his gourd by pouring water on himself and telling the hornets that a dangerous rain that had beaten him in another community, was fast approaching. He advises them to get into his gourd for safety. They obliged and became Anansi’s victims.
The Spider goes to Ya Nsia, his mother, and reminds her about the promise he made to the Sky god. Ya Nsia agrees to go with Anansi to Nyame.
Boxed in by the Spider’s achievements, Nyame summons the elders and his army, tells them about Anansi’s conquests, which no one else or kingdom could do, and thus pledges all stories to Anansi, the Spider. So, every story became known as a Spider story.
I’m almost sure scaling the hurdles wouldn’t have been smooth sailing for Anansi. There might have been moments of despair and frustration when he angrily shouted, “E gbe awon stories yi wa, EMI LOKAN!”
Unlike the world of Buhari and Tinubu, the world of Anansi was a law-abiding world, where crime was punished, and virtue rewarded.
It was a world, where the elephant, though mighty, couldn’t usurp the rights of the ant, and the lion, despite being the king of the jungle, dared not take what didn’t belong to him.
It was a world that would ‘open the calabash’ of death to a brainless, callous and nepotistic king who recently plundered the land for eight years of misgovernance – just like they ‘opened the calabash’ for wicked kings in the old Oyo Empire.
In the olden days when the Tortoise and the Spider counted among the wise men, people voted without let or hindrance, and their votes counted. The electoral umpire, even if it was the glasses-wearing YAK, dared not fail to upload the results of the presidential election as ARTICUlated in the electoral law.
During the days of the fabled Tortoise and the Spider, Umpire YAK dared not cause disaffection within the polity, as he did yesterday, without being summoned to the king’s palace, and bagging an outright banishment to the Evil Forest or the severance of his head from his neck at Imogun, the Place of Skulls.
If Yak followed the electoral process through, the Articulate and the Obidients would probably not go to the Court of Judges to lay their grievances over why the Bat was crowned the king without announcing his victory through the Kakaaki, as required by the law of the land.
Things have turned upside down today. Thorns have grown on the throne in Ife, and the king can no longer sit on the stool of his forebears but go about looking for plastic chairs in Owambe parties, allowing Pete, Tom, Dick and Harry to hug him.
In those days of the Tortoise and the Spider, when the blind Baba Fakunle predicted in Ola Rotimi’s ‘The gods are not to blame’, that King Odewale would marry his mother and kill his father, it came to pass.
Today, Christian and Muslim clerics have turned the church and the mosque into casinos, where forecasts are churned out like locusts in flight, with none coming to pass.
A cleric predicted that he was the incoming President Number 16 and that Buhari would hand over to him. Another one warned witches and wizards not to come to Abuja – as if witches and wizards ever amounted to anything or as if they are the problems of Nigeria.
Many Nigerian pastors and imams are fake men of God who brag about power over all infirmities but none has ever cured either a cough or a headache, not to talk of HIV/AIDS or COVID-19.
The removal of petroleum subsidy is a step in the right direction but the President must not behave like the Tortoise who got all the wisdom of the world in a gourd, which he tied to his neck, without knowing how to get the gourd to the top of a tree. Tinubu must exhibit cleverness and be be prepared to go to war against the oil cabal.
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Did Aso, the wife of Anansi, not help her Spider husband solve his riddles? If you don’t know the meaning of presidential monarchy, go to court.
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
(OPINION) Open letter to President Bola Ahmed Tinubu GCFR
(OPINION) Open letter to President Bola Ahmed Tinubu GCFR. The President Federal Republic of Nigeria.
All existing protocols are duly observed.
My constitutional rights as a Nigerian moves me to write this letter to you our New President – Bola Ahmed Tinubu GCFR.
Congratulations on your assumption to the office as the 16th President of FRN.
These are my inputs to your administration for us all to get the desirable results in your new Government.
In the comradeship terrain it’s said that – Victory for One is a victory for all and injury for one is an injury for all. I pray that may you succeed in your tenure as the First Citizen of Nigeria Aamiin.
First and foremost I say A big congratulations to you and all Nigerians home and abroad for the bold step you took to announced the REMOVAL OF FUEL SUBSIDY.
Sir!!! Nigerians say No to any form of CABALS home and diaspora.
I suggest the below public figures in Nigeria to serve directly under your administration.
According to two of our contemporary democracy founding fathers – late President Nelson Mandela he said that any system that fails to take Education as Priority is a failure.
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You the President of FRN said & I quote that you believe in the revolution of our great country Nigeria but not by any form of battle, civil unrest or war but by our intellectuals.
The above mentioned quote tell us the power of education.
On this note, below are my submission to your desk directly sir.
I suggest that Education & insecurity are twins sectors which need urgent attention and have to be in your priority list sir through the below –
1. Prof. Ishaq Olarenwaju Oloyede For Minister of Education.
2. Retired Generals like Alani Akinrinade, Olu Bajowa, Ishola Williams, Jubirila Ayinla, David Jemibewon etc should be consulted for security.
3. Emir SLS & his formidable team for Economy planning.
4. H. E . BRF & his crew for what they are Guru at.
5. Prof. Pat utomi & Senator Kalu orji plus others from the East are also key in PBAT administration.
Note – Education sector has to cover other areas like – Computers, Technology, sciences and Researches etc.
These sectors have to make your priority list after the above to achieve the desirable results Viz –
1. Health sector
2. Power , Petroleum & mines sector.
3. Agriculture sector.
4. Infrastructures sector.
5. Welfare of all the citizens old and young (unemployment, old age benefits etc).
These 7 key points are very vital sir and if you can deliver them to us, Nigerians, your name will never be forgotten in the country’s Best governance list.
Pray that May Allah make it an easy task for us and all yours formidable team Aamiin.
God bless Nigeria Aamiin!!!
I am comrade Hon Akinpeju AIT (National General Secretary ABAT Educational Support Team).
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