Opinion
Maggoty Senate and rotten judiciary
Maggoty Senate and rotten judiciary
Tunde Odesola
(Published in The PUNCH, on Friday, June 23, 2023)
C-o-o-u-u-r-r-t-t!!! Yekinni, the court clerk, yelled like someone grabbed by the balls. Everybody inside the Court-of-A-Piss jumped to their feet. This is Her Lordship’s Court. She’s a beautiful, no-nonsense High Priest in the Temple of Justice. Everybody respects her because she’s formidable, courageous, intelligent and connected.
Devotees in the Temple of Justice look to the door of the inner chamber, expecting Her Lordship to emerge, but she took some time in making her entry. Lawyers, litigants, journalists, clerks, etc remain standing, however.
In a fleeting moment, a phone’s ringtone pierces the solemn air, “Wahala! Wahala! Wahala! Zah Zoo! Zeh before dem nab you, Madam Zehnab! Akoi fura!”
(Silence)
Her Lordship steps out of her chamber in judicial majesty – long, black robe signifying the blindness of justice; her golden wig symbolises both an air of anonymity and an assurance that Milord is nonpartisan. She bows to the court, the court bows back.
Clerk: The first case before this honourable court today is the case with Suit Number AD/321BC/2023, involving a point-and-kill incident in the Maraba district of Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory, filed by Mallam Mai Chutta against Mallam Audu. Mallam Mai Chutta!
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Mai Chutta: Yes, mai Load! (Enters the dock)
Clerk: Mallam Audu!
Audu: Yes, mai Lude! (Enters the dock)
Clerk: Appearances.
A senior lawyer stands up, introduces himself, and announces his appearance for Mallam Mai Chutta. I’m Chief I.K.A Ajanlekoko, appearing for the plainthief, my lord.
Clerk: Looks in the direction of Audu.
Audu: I’m appearing por my sef! I no get am for money to haya a loyah.
A Senior Advocate of the Masses, Chief Fawehinmi, stands up and introduces himself as a friend of the court, who is willing to appear for Audu pro bono.
Clerk: (Reads the charge) It has been brought to the notice of this honourable court that you, Mallam Audu, on the 29th of May, 2023, at 19:00 hours, went to Chop-and-Quench Restaurant owned by Mallam Chutta. That you pointed to a live fish to be killed and made into pepper soup for you. That after eating the steamy full plate of N3,000 pepper soup and drinking a bottle of beer costing N600, you refused to pay for the pepper soup and the beer, thereby committing an offence contrary to the Criminal Code Act of the Federal Capital Territory, punishable with a fine of N500,000 and, or a jail term of 10 years. Guilty or not guilty?
Audu: I no guilty, mai Lude.
Fawehinmi: My Lord, I daresay that this suit is ill-conceived, embarrassing, wicked and ungodly! How does the plainthief expect a man who ordered a N3,000 plate of pepper soup and a bottle of cold beer for N600 to pay N15,000 because while the fish was being prepared, the President announced the removal of fuel subsidy? I rely on the Principle of Estoppel which says you can’t change the terms of a contract midstream without a rational cause.
Ajanlekoko: (Interjects Fawehinmi) Milord, my client relies on the provisions of the Freedom of Contract, which gives the leeway for him to increase his prices at will, coupled with the fact that the presidential pronouncement of fuel subsidy removal is tantamount to executive fiat.
(A murmur sweeps through the court) The phone rings again, “Wahala! Wahala! Wahala! Zah Zoo! Zeh before dem Nab you, Madam Zehnab!” The judge brings down her gavel, ‘Gbam!’
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Ajanlekoko: My client is ready to supply your chamber with a similar plate of pepper soup and cold beer, for you to determine if the N15,000 price charged is appropriate or not.
Her Lordship: Ok. I’ll await the supply in my chamber. Please, add garlic and ginger, no salt. I rise for a short adjournment, the court will reconvene in two hours!
(She strikes her gavel down the table)
Clerk: C-o-o-u-u-r-r-t-t!!!
(The phone rang again, “Wahala! Wahala! Wahala! Zah Zoo! Zeh before dem Nab you, Madam Zehnab!”)
(Court reconvenes after two hours)
Fawehinmi: My Lord, I plead with your honour to strike this frivolous suit out and fine the plainthief for damages occasioned by harassment, psychological trauma, time loss and embarrassment. You cannot increase the price of commodities just because you heard a presidential speech. It’s wrong. What changed between the time the customer ordered the fish and when the order was prepared?
Ajanlekoko: Your Honour, milord. Prices changed! The defendant should have asked for the new prices while eating because the presidential broadcast was aired live on radio and TV. He can’t claim to be unaware. He should’ve known prices will change.
(Murmur in court)
(The gavel sounds. Absolute silence in court)
Her Lordship: (Clears her throat) Here’s my judgement. Having tasted the delicious pepper soup and chilled beer, this honourable court will affirm the technical aspect of the law over the substantive aspect. It’s wicked of any customer to eat such a delicious meal and wash it down with cold beer, and expect not to pay any amount demanded by Chop-and-Quench Restaurant. I hereby find the defendant guilty on all counts. He will pay the fine and serve the jail term. I rise!
Clerk: C-o-o-u-u-r-r-t-t!!!
(Outside the court, a battery of journalists interview Chief Fawehinmi)
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Fawehinmi: This judgement cannot stand! We shall go on appeal! This is wickedness. People who steal billions are given national awards, chieftaincy titles and honorary doctorates. What type of country is this that kills its own by injustice? And we worship in churches, mosques and shrines, and expect grace to abound, what nonsense! We’re going on appeal. I will appear without collecting a dime from Mallam Audu!
Journalists: What if your appeal is struck out?
Fawehinmi: Then, this country is forever doomed! Nigeria is the only country in the world where government spends billions of dollars on fuel subsidies yearly, cries that the monies go into the wrong hands, yet no one has ever been brought to book. Not one single individual! So, that means the government knows the criminals siphoning fuel subsidies, yet cannot name and prosecute them. What kind of mafia country is that? Armed robbers investigating bandits. I shall go to court to compel the government to name the oil thieves. I know them. They are the big multibillionaires. If the government doesn’t name them, I will! Awon olori buruku gbogbo!
(Her Lordship’s two-car convoy zooms out of the court premises, and her police orderly sits in front of the car with her driver)
Her Lordship: Sergeant, what did the people say after my judgement?
Orderly: They were just grumbling. Stupid people. That troublesome man, Fawehinmi, was threatening to go on appeal. He said the judgement was wicked. The man too worry, na busybody.
Her Lordship: Don’t mind him.
Orderly: Yes, ma. I enjoyed the pepper soup leftover you gave me, ma. It’s costlier than N15,000.
Her Lordship: Give me a toothpick from the glove compartment.
Orderly: Yes, Your Honour.
Her Lordship: Please, tune the radio to Fire FM for the network news at 4 o’clock.
Orderly: Yes, My Lord.
Fire FM: The time is 4 o’clock. Here are the news highlights: Uproar in Nigeria’s Senate over judiciary integrity; FG may open Seme Border; Kwara boat tragedy: Death toll hits 106; Obi faults proposed 114% increment for president, governors; Messi set to win 8th Ballon d’Or. Let’s go for a commercial break, we’ll be right back
(Commercial break)
Fire FM: Now, the news in full: The senator representing Booger-Chewer North Local Government senatorial district has said that he encroached on the freedom and independence of his wife while she served as a judge. Speaking at an event yesterday, the senator thanked his wife for allowing him to encroach on her official freedom and independence when he sought her help for his senator colleagues in need. The senator, who said his wife offered the encroachment help, was hushed by the Senate President, Alhaji La-1, whose re-election into the Senate, another senator, Chief Okoro, described as the 8th Wonder of the World.
(Another commercial break)
A nasty smell engulfs Her Lordship’s car even as the police orderly is shocked as a tiny stream of brown liquid from the back seat floor hits his boots.
It’s finished.
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AFCON 2025: Flipping Content Creation From Coverage to Strategy
AFCON 2025: Flipping Content Creation From Coverage to Strategy
By Toluwalope Shodunke
The beautiful and enchanting butterfly called the Africa Cup of Nations (AFCON) emerged from its chrysalis in Khartoum, Sudan, under the presidency of Abdelaziz Abdallah Salem, an Egyptian, with three countries—Egypt, Sudan, and Ethiopia—participating, and Egypt emerging as the eventual winner.
The reason for this limited participation is not far-fetched. At the time, only nine African countries were independent. The remaining 45 countries that now make up CAF’s 54 member nations were either pushing Queen Elizabeth’s dogsled made unique with the Union Jack, making supplications at the Eiffel Tower, or knocking at the doors of the Palácio de Belém, the Quirinal Palace, and the Royal Palace of Brussels—seeking the mercies of their colonial masters who, without regard for cultures, sub-cultures, or primordial affinities, divided Africa among the colonial gods.
From then until now, CAF has had seven presidents, including Patrice Motsepe, who was elected as the seventh president in 2021. With more countries gaining independence and under various CAF leaderships, AFCON has undergone several reforms—transforming from a “backyard event” involving only three nations into competitions featuring 8, 16, and now 24 teams. It has evolved into a global spectacle consumed by millions worldwide.
Looking back, I can trace my personal connection to AFCON to table soccer, which I played alone on concrete in our balcony at Olafimihan Street—between Mushin and Ilasamaja—adjacent to Alafia Oluwa Primary School, close to Alfa Nda and Akanro Street, all in Lagos State.
Zygmunt Bauman, the Polish-British sociologist who developed the concept of “liquid modernity,” argues that the world is in constant flux rather than static, among other themes in his revelatory works.
For the benefit of Millennials (Generation Y) and Generation Z—who are accustomed to high-tech pads, iPhones, AI technologies, and chat boxes—table soccer is a replica of football played with bottle corks (often from carbonated drinks or beer) as players, cassette hubs as the ball, and “Bic” biro covers for engagement. The game can be played by two people, each controlling eleven players.
I, however, enjoyed playing alone in a secluded area, running my own commentary like the great Ernest Okonkwo, Yinka Craig, and Fabio Lanipekun, who are all late. At the time, I knew next to nothing about the Africa Cup of Nations. Yet, I named my cork players after Nigerian legends such as Segun Odegbami, Godwin Odiye, Aloysius Atuegbu, Tunji Banjo, Muda Lawal, Felix Owolabi, and Adokiye Amiesimaka, among others, as I must have taken to heart their names from commentary and utterances of my uncles resulting from sporadic and wild celebrations of Nigeria winning the Cup of Nations on home soil for the first time.
While my connection to AFCON remained somewhat ephemeral until Libya 1982, my AFCON anecdotes became deeply rooted in Abidjan 1984, where Cameroon defeated Nigeria 3–1. The name Théophile Abéga was etched into my youthful memory.
Even as I write this, I remember the silence that enveloped our compound after the final whistle.
It felt similar to how Ukrainians experienced the Battle of Mariupol against Russia—where resolute resistance eventually succumbed to overwhelming force.
The Indomitable Lions were better and superior in every aspect. The lion not only caged the Eagles, they cooked pepper soup with the Green Eagles.
In Maroc ’88, I again tasted defeat with the Green Eagles (now Super Eagles), coached by the German Manfred Höner. Players like Henry Nwosu, Stephen Keshi, Sunday Eboigbe, Bright Omolara, Rashidi Yekini, Austin Eguavoen, Peter Rufai, Folorunsho Okenla, Ademola Adeshina, Yisa Sofoluwe, and others featured prominently. A beautiful goal by Henry Nwosu—then a diminutive ACB Lagos player—was controversially disallowed.
This sparked outrage among Nigerians, many of whom believed the referee acted under the influence of Issa Hayatou, the Cameroonian who served as CAF president from 1988 to 2017.
This stroll down memory lane illustrates that controversy and allegations of biased officiating have long been part of AFCON’s history.
The 2025 Africa Cup of Nations in Morocco, held from December 21, 2025, to January 18, 2026, will be discussed for a long time by football historians, raconteurs, and aficionados—for both positive and negative reasons.
These include Morocco’s world-class facilities, the ravenous hunger of ball boys and players (superstars included) for the towels of opposing goalkeepers—popularly dubbed TowelGate—allegations of biased officiating, strained relations among Arab African nations (Egypt, Algeria, Tunisia, and Morocco), CAF President Patrice Motsepe’s curt “keep quiet” response to veteran journalist Osasu Obayiuwana regarding the proposed four-year AFCON cycle post-2028, and the “Oga Patapata” incident, where Senegalese players walked off the pitch after a legitimate goal was chalked off and a penalty awarded against them by DR Congo referee Jean-Jacques Ndala.
While these narratives dominated global discourse, another critical issue—less prominent but equally important—emerged within Nigeria’s media and content-creation landscape.
Following Nigeria’s qualification from the group stage, the Super Eagles were scheduled to face Mozambique in the Round of 16. Between January 1 and January 3, Coach Eric Chelle instituted closed-door training sessions, denying journalists and content creators access, with media interaction limited to pre-match press conferences.
According to Chelle, the knockout stage demanded “maximum concentration,” and privacy was necessary to protect players from distractions.
This decision sparked mixed reactions on social media.
Twitter user @QualityQuadry wrote:
“What Eric Chelle is doing to journalists is bad.
Journalists were subjected to a media parley under cold weather in an open field for the first time in Super Eagles history.
Journalists were beaten by rain because Chelle doesn’t want journalists around the camp.
Locking down training sessions for three days is unprofessional.
I wish him well against Mozambique.”
Another user, @PoojaMedia, stated:
“Again, Eric Chelle has closed the Super Eagles’ training today.
That means journalists in Morocco won’t have access to the team for three straight days ahead of the Round of 16.
This is serious and sad for journalists who spent millions to get content around the team.
We move.”
Conversely, @sportsdokitor wrote:
“I’m not Eric Chelle’s biggest supporter, but on this issue, I support him 110%.
There’s a time to speak and a time to train.
Let the boys focus on why they’re in Morocco—they’re not here for your content creation.”
From these three tweets, one can see accessibility being clothed in beautiful garments. Two of the tweets suggest that there is only one way to get to the zenith of Mount Kilimanjaro, when indeed there are many routes—if we think within the box, not outside the box as we’ve not exhausted the content inside the box.
In the past, when the economy was buoyant, media organisations sponsored reporters to cover the World Cup, Olympics, Commonwealth Games, and other international competitions.
Today, with financial pressures mounting, many journalists and content creators seek collaborations and sponsorships from corporations and tech startups to cover sporting events, who in turn get awareness, brand visibility, and other intangibles.
As Gary Vaynerchuk famously said, “Every company is a media company.” Yet most creators covering AFCON 2025 followed the same playbook.
At AFCON 2025, most Nigerian journalists and content creators pitched similar offerings: on-the-ground coverage, press conferences, team updates, behind-the-scenes footage, analysis, cuisine, fan interactions, and Moroccan cultural experiences.
If they were not interviewing Victor Osimhen, they were showcasing the stand-up comedy talents of Samuel Chukwueze and other forms of entertainment.
What was missing was differentiation. No clear Unique Selling Proposition (USP). The result was generic, repetitive content with little strategic distinction. Everyone appeared to be deploying the same “Jab, Jab, Jab, Hook” formula—throwing multiple jabs of access-driven content in the hope that one hook would land.
The lesson is simple: when everyone is jabbing the same way, the hook becomes predictable and loses its power.
As J. P. Clark wrote in the poem “The Casualties”, “We are all casualties,” casualties of sameness—content without differentiation. The audience consumes shallow content, sponsors lose return on investment, and creators return home bearing the “weight of paper” from disappointed benefactors.
On November 23, 1963, a shining light was dimmed in America when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.
As with AFCON today, media organisations sent their best hands to cover the funeral, as the who’s who of the planet—and if possible, the stratosphere—would attend. Unconfirmed reports suggested that over 220 VVIPs were expected.
While every newspaper, radio, and television station covered the spectacle and grandeur of the event, one man, Jimmy Breslin, swam against the tide. He chose instead to interview Clifton Pollard, the foreman of gravediggers at Arlington National Cemetery—the man who dug John F. Kennedy’s grave.
This act of upended thinking differentiated Jimmy Breslin from the odds and sods, and he went on to win the Pulitzer Prize in 1986.
Until journalists and content creators stop following the motley and begin swimming against the tide, access will continue to be treated as king—when in reality, differentiation, aided by strategy, is king.
When every journalist and content creator is using Gary Vaynerchuk’s “Jab, Jab, Jab, Hook” template while covering major sporting events, thinkers among them must learn to replace one jab with a counterpunch—and a bit of head movement—to stay ahead of the herd.
Toluwalope Shodunke can be reached via tolushodunke@yahoo.com
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