Opinion
Bat Vs Artiku: The final game of crooks, by Tunde Odesola
(Published in The PUNCH, on Friday, February 24, 2023)
Tomorrow is D-Day. The belly of the sky is heavy but no one knows what it will birth. The sky rumbles in labour pain. The water has broken. But no meteorologist is ready to put their certificate on the line and make a forecast.
The sky booms in thunder and lightning, the wind whistles in whispers — twisting trees, bending branches, uprooting roots. Nightfall.
Daybreak. Welcome to the Estadio De Nigerianna, where the Champions League Final between the All Progressives Criminals FC and Peoples Democratic Plunderers FC is about to get underway. In goal for APC FC is the giANT, HeL Roofai (1); Keredolu (2), Massari (3), Zuluum (4), Gandollar (5), Jagba-Jagba-Biamila (6), Faṣola (7), Sanwo-Bola (8), Shetty Ma (9), Bat (10, Captain), Fayemi (11). Substitutes: Amosu, Hope Uzo, Kalu, Fayoshe, Bello, Eleyi, Abdulrasaki, Wike(d), S. Makinde. Coach: Buharry.
In goal for PDP FC is Man-Mountain Ayim (1), Mark (2), Obaseky (3), Ayu (4), Ugwuanyi (5), Udom (6), Masked player (7), Tambuwa (8), Okowah (9), Artikú (10, Captain), Saraki (11). Substitutes: Fintiiri, Dickson, Diri, Reno, Adeleke, Dino. Coach: Buharry. Injuries: Ekeremadu is being treated abroad.
The 120,000 capacity Estadio De Nigeriana is filled to the brim. Renowned football commentators, Martin Tyler, Eseoghene Edafe and Peter Drury, are running commentary. Drury, it was, whose immortal description of Kim Aguero’s last-kick goal against Queens Park Rangers in 2012 EPL finale goes thus, “Aguero, with 90 seconds remaining…has won the English Premier League for Manchester City!!! Hollywood, make this movie!”
Today, Drury, in his silky voice, makes some pre-match remarks, describing the mood in the country, Naijeria.
Drury: Welcome to Naijeria, Africa’s giant without might, ruled by termites devouring widows’ mites…
Tyler: What’s sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander, but not in Naijeria. All animals aren’t equal. Some steal billions and get medallions, some steal kobo and get koboko, life isn’t fair here; the rich don’t cry here, it’s only the poor that gnash.
Edafe: It’s my country, my fatherland, Nigeria! Don’t cry for me, Argentina! I see hope, I see tomorrow, I see light…
Drury: Without necessarily dabbling in local politics, Edafe, may I quickly have your word on the Nollywood actress, Oluwadarasimi Omoseyin, who was arrested for spraying naira. But naira was sprayed during the wedding of the President’s children.
Tyler: Before Edafe makes his pronouncement on the issue, let me quickly say this: The ICPC and the EFCC should cover their faces in shame. For keeping silent, Nollywood should bury its head in shame. And Naijerians kept quiet?! I understand Nollywood actors and actresses are queuing behind rogue politicians for perks. I’m not absolving Omoseyin, but the law should be for everyone.
Edafe: One even went naked on a beach, praying for the success of a notable politician.
Drury: Wow! Naked? Was that a male actor swinging a pair of balls or a female with a pussycat?
(Laughter)
Edafe: Gentlemen, please, let’s go back to the job at hand. The sight of the male actor was terrible, though. And the police didn’t quiz him.
Tyler: The two teams are yet to file out. This Champions League comes up once in every four years. It’s a winner-takes-all finale. We’re looking at the potential champions of the 2023 season. Will it be PDP or APC?
Edafe: One of the two other teams, Labour FC, has defeated New Naijeria Peoples Party FC in the third place match.
Tyler: Can I have your views on the captains of the four teams, gentlemen?
Drury: The four are compass points, each pointing towards its own region. They shift with the wind of time, religion, ethnicity and nepotism. They are all alike – lying, manipulative and power hungry, without much difference.
Tyler: But I like OB for his style, belief and dynamism. He hadn’t much time on his hands to prepare for this tournament, otherwise, his team would have qualified for the final and put up a good show. Of the four teams, Labour won more fans this season. Labour FC has petitioned the FA, alleging cheating in its matches. The petition isn’t decided yet.
Edafe: And here they come; the greatest football showpiece of the season is here, I can see Bat and Artiku leading out their teams. The referee, Mamood Yakub, leads by the hand a little girl whose father, a senatorial candidate in Enugu, was shot dead a day before. The little girl picks the match ball.
Tyler: Though limping, Bat is confident, beaming with smiles as he exchanges pleasantries with his formidable foe, Artikú, who looks solid. Time for the anthems of the two teams. ‘Za Zu Zeh’ is APC’s anthem while ‘Tesumole’ is PDP’s anthem. The captains exchanged pennants.
PDP fans burst into the popular “Emi lo kan,” and “Bula Ba blu,” songs while APC fans shout louder, singing, “He’s a miracle working God” and “Ole ole ole, ole ole.”
Edafe: There goes the referee’s whistle for the kick off. Who lifts the trophy? Artikú or Bat? The die is cast. A winner must emerge.
Drury: PDP FC is taking things easy, watching and waiting for an opportune moment to strike but APC FC looks more aggressive and daring, contesting every ball.
Tyler: OMG! Did you see that gliding dribble by Bat? Whether he limps or crawls, there’s something you cannot take away from Captain Bat; he has all the attributes of the ultimate predator; patience, deception and the dagger.
Edafe: Bat dribbles past three defenders, moves but Obaseky quickly comes to the rescue of goalkeeper Ayim who surely wouldn’t like the prospect of coming face-to-face with the deadly Captain Bat.
Tyler: Artikú shoots the ball into the air in the centre circle, Shetty Ma and Okowa go for an aerial battle in a clash of heads, gbosa! Shetty Ma goes hard on Okowa who lands badly. Shetty Ma gets a yellow card, Okowa gets a free kick. Ayu lobs the free kick to Saraki who sends a low cross in the path of an onrushing Artikú, who hammers a shot that rattles the upright and bounces off into touch. Oh, what a miss!
Drury: It’s the 75th minute of the game, excitement is building up. Left-legged Fasola gets the ball, he reminds me of Amuneke, he turns Mark inside out and lays a sitter for Bat, who latches onto the begging pass, readies to shoot, but Ayim, the almighty Man-Mountain spreads like an eagle, and crumbles on Bat, who folds up in the box 18. It’s a penalty! APC jubilate. But I can see an ambulance making its way into the 18 yard box.
Edafe: Tempers have gone up. HeL Roofai races from his goal post to hit Ayim, who chases Roofai down the field with a stick. Oh, the match is getting out of control!
Tyler: Can someone, please, explain to me why the referee allowed the player in jersey No 7 for PDP to wear a full mask? I know a player can wear a protective mask like Victor Osimhen, but the face must be visible.
Drury: Naijeria is at it again! The match has turned into a war! Fayoshe, Bello, Sanwo-Bola and Wike have pinned PDP’s No 7 down, they are tearing off his mask, and oh my God! It’s Emifiele behind the mask! He breaks from his captors, runs towards Coach Buharry…, shouting, ‘Sai Baba, our plan don backfire o’ The APC chase after Buharry, Emifiele…
Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com
Facebook: @tunde odesola
Twitter: @tunde_odesola
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Opinion
Osun election: Àtàọ́ja should stop running joro-jara-joro
Osun election: Àtàọ́ja should stop running joro-jara-joro
Tunde Odesola
(Published in the PUNCH, on Friday, July 24, 2026)
It’s midmorning in Àtàọ́ja’s palace. The sun beamed a friendly smile, quite different from the furious furnace it was preparing for the afternoon. As gently as the breeze caressed the trees in the palace, two pigeons landed on silent feet in the courtyard. They were on a joint mission. To scavenge. Looking right and left, up and down, beaks at work, wings at the ready, the bouncy birds pecked food in the palace soil. For the male and female pigeons, danger lies not in flying; it lies in walking. Sycophancy walks naked on the palace grounds.
Even the king’s kààakí was caught unawares. It couldn’t herald what was about to happen because everything occurred at a dizzying speed. The Àtàọ́ja, Oba Jimoh Olanipekun, ran out from the inner recess of the palace, his agbada òfì billowing in the Osogbo wind; kira-kita, kira-kita, the king bolted like Usain Bolt. Where is the king running to?
In his breakneck flight, Àtàọ́ja Osogbo forgot to wear his neck beads! I-m-a-g-i-n-e! But he luckily remembered to wear his cap. I suspect it was ancestral forefathers known as ‘àwọn alálẹ̀’ who reminded him to wear his shoes. Otherwise, the king might have appeared out of sorts at the state government event he was fleeing to.
Thankfully, when Àtàọ́ja Olanipekun reached his destination, he still had some breath in his lungs. He sat down, resplendent in white and blue agbada, clenched the microphone and confessed in Yoruba, “Ẹ̀ ri pé ń ò kólẹ̀kẹ̀ ọ́rùn? Mo sáré dé hin ni. Tí a bà á wá, wọ́n á ní, ‘Háà, kò mọ̀ le bọ́ta mọ́!’ Gbogbo ohun tí wọ́n ń sọ là ń gbọ́.”
I’ll translate the king’s speech in English: “Can’t you see that I am not wearing my royal beads? (It is because) I ran to this event. Because if I did not come, they would say, ‘Ha! He cannot come out again!’ We hear everything that they (opposition) are saying. I will not stop eulogising Adeleke Jackson Nurudeen for his excellent performance in Osun State.”
Unfortunately, Olanipekun thinks that by singing himself hoarse on the praise of ebullient Governor Ademola Adeleke, he is giving the re-election bid of the Asiwaju of Ede a boost. No, he is not. If he was, the apex socio-cultural association of Osogbo sons and daughters, the Osogbo Progressive Union, would not openly criticise him for publicly canvassing support for Adeleke and attacking the opposition on many occasions.
The penis of the bird does not dangle outside; it is tucked inside the bird, says a Yoruba proverb. This proverb preaches decorum. If the king had been decorous like other Osun kings, who, though, have their favourites among the governorship candidates, but who have kept their support within the ambit of decency, the OPU wouldn’t have embarrassed him with a public disclaimer.
The Timi of Ede, Oba Muniru Adesola Lawal, had been an exemplar in his support for Adeleke, who hails from his domain. The Timi had been regal: zero aggression, zero hate words, zero campaign against other parties. Oba Timi has shown emotional intelligence while fully supporting Adeleke, his son. That is how to be a father to all subjects. Of course, if Timi was blindfolded at the polling booth on election day, his royal thumb would still locate Accord Party on the ballot, whereas some carricachop from another land is claiming to know Ọ̀ṣọ́ more than Ọ̀ṣọ́’s mother.
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It’s undignifying for the elderly to run helter-skelter, says a Yoruba proverb distilled in these words, “Gbàmí, gbàmí ò ye àgbà.” Another proverb that cautions against kùrùkẹrẹ movement says, “Ẹní wọ bàtà ẹsẹ̀ òsì méjì, ó níbití ó ń lọ.”
The importance of royal objects such as crown, beads and staff is interrogated in the seminal work, “Yoruba: Nine Centuries of African Art and Thought,” written by Henry J. Drewal et al, and published by The Centre for African Art, New York, in 1989. Similarly, the royal totems – crown, beads and staff – are also a subject of scholarship in Rowland Abiodun’s “Yoruba Art and Language: Seeking the African in African Art,” published by Cambridge University Press in 2014.
Drewal and Abiodun aver that in Yoruba thought, the crown, beads and staff are sacred totems that signify divine authority, spiritual protection, leadership, ancestral continuity, and the king’s covenant with the people and the gods.
In both books, the crown is regarded as a sacred emblem containing the spiritual essence that connects the present with the past. Royal beads signify dignity and prestige, abundance and prosperity, and spiritual energy. The staff is an instrument of authority, justice, fairness, and protection.
Joro-jara-joro is an onomatopoeic word that means helter-skelter. Onomatopoeic words are words that sound like their meanings. Examples: buzz, hiss, slap, sleep, twinkle, jab, splash, tear, bang, etc. Joro-jara-joro was amplified by Afrobeat creator Fela Anikulapo-Kuti in his 1976 song, “Zombie”, which mocks Nigerian soldiers’ blind allegiance to dictatorship.
In “Zombie”, Fela caricatures Nigerian soldiers as unthinking brutes whose sole skill is to chaotically rove joro-jara-joro against the masses, like zombies on the mission to “go and kill, go and quench, go and die”. Fela sings, “Zombie way na one way; joro-jara-joro/No break no jam, no sense; Na joro-jara-joro….”
There would have been no reason to write this article because I had made my intention clear enough in an earlier article entitled, “Governor Adeleke and a tale of three Àtàọ́jas,” published in The PUNCH on Friday, July 17, 2026. My preoccupation in the article was to call the attention of the monarch to some of his unkingly utterances. My intention wasn’t political. But an insinuation, especially from some irritating ‘e-rats’ and ‘data boys’, who attempted to paint my intervention in political colours, made this sequel inevitable.
In line with their zombie mentality, a particular ‘e-rat’ along with his fellow ‘data boys’ accused me of meddlesomeness and maintained that it lies within the rights of the Àtàọ́ja to express support for any candidate of his choice.
Clearly, the accusation of meddlesomeness was borne out of dripping ignorance. If not, an enlightened mind would see that the actions of the Àtàọ́ja diminish his traditional stool that represents the Yoruba worldview of unity, morality, justice, fairness and equity. The allegation that the Àtàọ́ja had the right to support any candidate of his choice is valid to the extent that such a right must not violate the principles of fair play, rule of law and decency.
By openly calling the opposition names in a viral video, did the Àtàọ́ja adhere to the principles of fairness and tolerance? By his vitriolic speeches, was he not stoking the embers of strife? If I could be provided with the evidence of one Osun traditional ruler who had been as politically intolerant as the Àtàọ́ja, against the ruling party, I shall tender an apology in my next article.
In one of the bad-taste videos, the Àtàọ́ja arrogantly disclosed how he rejected wise counsel by a concerned citizen, who told him the danger in his public support for Adeleke over other candidates. His words, “One of my people asked me why I am so audacious to the extent of overly supporting one candidate (Adeleke) over others; what if he doesn’t win?”
The king answered the worried citizen. Àtàọ́ja opened his mouth and played god, declaring with finality: “He will win.” Olanipekun’s divisive posture is most unbecoming of an ọba, whose palace should be an abode to seek conflict resolution by his subjects, including politicians. Àtàọ́ja should not be the epicentre of conflict.
In the recent past, I have ventilated my views on the actions of the Ooni of Ife, Oba of Lagos, Apetu of Ipetumodu, Alapomu of Apomu, Oluwo of Iwo, and Emir of Ilorin, among other traditional rulers. I strongly believe that it behoves the citizen to hold traditional rulers to the highest standards because the traditional institution embodies the ethos and pathos of a race.
For ‘e-rats’ and ‘data boys’, whose stock-in-trade is abuse, there is a lesson in the conduct of a member of the House of Representatives, Bamidele Salam. Salam is my friend of over 20 years. Though we have had moments of sharp disagreement, emotions never boiled over to name-calling.
One day, BS, that’s Salam’s nickname, saw my Facebook post on Governor Adeleke. In the post, I advised the governor against excessive dancing and to shear off some personalities who were following him about like houseflies following the wound on a dog’s ears. In the Facebook post about three years ago, I cautioned that the image of the governor dancing to the faintest of drumbeats amid a retinue of hangers-on was not good.
As soon as BS saw the post, he reached out to me on the phone and said, “Ọ̀rẹ́, ọ̀rọ̀ ò rí bẹ́yẹn o. Your post does not reflect the great work Adeleke is doing in Osun…” I smiled from the other end of the phone because Bamidele was pushing Adeleke’s narrative while ignoring the kernel of my Facebook post. When I insisted on the need for the governor to do better in regard to dancing, Bamidele said every man was a work in progress, including me. Bamidele’s example is how to engage intelligently; a lesson government and opposition ‘e-rats’ and ‘data boys’ should learn.
The demarcation between a ruling party and an opposition party is nebulous. Practically speaking, ideological philosophies among Nigeria’s political parties are nonexistent. This is why Àtàọ́ja should be careful in his untraditional support for Adeleke. The Adeleke he sees in the Accord Party today could be in the All Progressives Congress tomorrow. Olanipekun should not burn the bridge of friendship today because he might need to use the bridge tomorrow.
This is the lesson Àtàọ́ja Olanipekun should see in his recent visit to President Bola Tinubu in Abuja. When politicians do their thing, a respectable ọba should maintain a dignified distance. He should not be in the fray.
Are you shocked that Kabiyesi Olanipekun was in Aso Rock a few days ago? Yes, he was. As a guest of President Bola Tinubu. This is the story of how the monarch used one stone to kill two birds. Àtàọ́ja’s daughter was graduating from the Law School in Abuja. An influential Osun State indigene, worried by the king’s intolerant posture against the Osun All Progressives Congress, had arranged for the king to meet with the President. It took some time for the king to meet the President.
During their meeting, the President expressed worry over Àtàọ́ja’s political remarks against the APC in Osun, urging him to allow for a level playing field. I gathered that Àtàọ́ja told the President that he was sold on the Adeleke ticket. Personally, I do not fault Àtàọ́ja’s position – supporting a candidate of his choice; it’s his brickbat approach that is reproachable.
If Tinubu could open his doors to Olanipekun and sit down to dialogue with him, who says there cannot be a dialogue between Tinubu and Adeleke? And if a dialogue occurs between the two and an agreement is struck, would the king not feel uneasy relating with his ‘enemies’ in the APC? The king should always spare a thought for the flip side of things. That is what the wise do.
“Àgbàlagbà kìí ṣe lángbá, lángbá,” is a cautionary proverb for reckless elders. The pit of animosity must not be dug too deep because the digger might fall into it. A word is enough for the wise.
Kabiyesi Àtàọ́ja, kara o le o.
///
Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola
Osun election: Àtàọ́ja should stop running joro-jara-joro
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Opinion
UI, UCH and the Question of Inclusive Leadership
UI, UCH and the Question of Inclusive Leadership
By Mallam Ibrahim Agunbiade
agunbiadeib@gmail.com
July 23, 2026
The appointment of Professor Peter Olamakinde Olapegba as the 14th substantive Vice-Chancellor of the University of Ibadan (UI), effective November 1, 2026, is deserving of congratulations. I wish him a successful tenure as he takes on the responsibility of leading Nigeria’s premier university.
The reported competitive process through which he emerged—following the assessment of eight candidates and the shortlisting of five for the final stage—is commendable, provided it was conducted transparently and strictly on merit.
However, this development also raises an important question that deserves honest and constructive discussion: When will a qualified Muslim have the opportunity to emerge as Vice-Chancellor of the University of Ibadan?
This question is not directed at Professor Olapegba or his Christian faith. If he emerged as the best candidate through a fair and transparent process, then he deserves the support of all Nigerians. My concern is whether qualified Nigerians of different faiths enjoy equal opportunities to compete for the highest leadership positions in our national institutions.
The same question applies to the University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan, where a change in leadership is expected in the coming months. It is therefore time for stakeholders to begin constructive conversations about the appointment of the next Chief Medical Director (CMD).
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I believe that qualified and competent Muslim professionals should be encouraged and given a fair opportunity to compete for the position. If the best candidate happens to be a Muslim, there should be no hesitation in appointing that individual. Equally, if the best candidate is a Christian or belongs to another faith, the same principle of merit should apply.
This is not a call for religious quotas or preferential treatment. Rather, it is a call for a level playing field.
A Muslim should not be appointed simply because he is a Muslim, just as a Christian should not be appointed simply because he is a Christian. Leadership must be based on competence, integrity, experience, and the capacity to deliver.
However, merit can only be meaningful when every qualified candidate has a genuine opportunity to compete without bias or discrimination.
The University of Ibadan and UCH are national institutions that belong to all Nigerians. Their leadership should therefore reflect the principles of fairness, inclusiveness, equal opportunity, and merit.
As Professor Olapegba prepares to assume office, I congratulate him once again and wish him a successful tenure. At the same time, I believe this is the right moment to ask whether our leadership selection processes truly provide equal opportunities for all qualified Nigerians.
As the succession process at UCH approaches, I urge stakeholders to ensure that no qualified candidate is excluded—consciously or unconsciously—because of religious identity. Let the process be transparent, competitive, and firmly anchored on merit.
I am not asking for a Muslim to be appointed simply because he is a Muslim. I am asking that no qualified Muslim should be denied the opportunity to lead simply because of his religious identity.
The same principle should apply to every Nigerian, regardless of faith or background.
Let merit prevail. Let competence prevail. Let fairness prevail.
UI, UCH and the Question of Inclusive Leadership
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Opinion
Case for replicating the Oyo kidnap-rescue template nationwide, By Farooq Kperogi
Case for replicating the Oyo kidnap-rescue template nationwide, By Farooq Kperogi
Case for replicating the Oyo kidnap-rescue template nationwide, By Farooq Kperogi
Kperogi is a renowned columnist and United States-based professor of journalism
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