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‘I regret snatching my friend’s husband’
‘I regret snatching my friend’s husband’
A Reader wrote: I have followed your columns way back from your Punch days when I was in the university. Most of the times, your articles are so down-to-earth they speak to me – as if you are writing about me. In one of the editions of Sunday Vanguard a few months back, you wrote about why second marriages might not work. I am a living example of that. I’d been married for over 12 years with three children when I changed jobs for a challenging management post in a bank. The salary almost doubled what I earned and I quickly made friends with a colleague who was about the same age. Her name is Tina and it was inevitable that both families met.
“We attended each other’s functions and Francis, Tina’s husband, was a particularly friendly chap. Tina had regaled me with stories of his affairs but I saw the reason why women found him attractive – he was dishy!
When Tina travelled abroad on a course and Francis came to the office, I wondered what he wanted. Thinking he needed help with his bank account, I went to him. But he said he just dropped by because he was lonely and missed Tina so much. He also missed her home-cooking. I was touched and promised to drop some packaged meals at his place. He was to put them in the freezer and help himself whenever he felt hungry.
“True to my word, I dropped the meals at the house of a very eager Francis. He offered to pay for them, but I refused. He insisted I stayed for a drink. To be frank with you, Francis had always intrigued me. I mean, he must have something special for all those women to be panting after him. So, when he made a pass at me, I didn’t resist. Like a lamb to the slaughter, I let him lead me to his matrimonial bed. I wasn’t disappointed – Francis really knew how to bonk! Why else was I risking my marriage for this? He made my head spin with his love-making, transporting me to places I never imagined possible.
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“That was how our affair started. So though Tina and I worked together, I parcelled off the guilty I felt at helping myself to her husband. I knew we were playing with fire – both of us were married with children and Tina, my friend, was the one who’d introduced me to her husband. That shows the extent of her trust and complacency in her marriage. Seun, my husband and I had since lost the magic of our early years. Even then, he wasn’t as hot as Francis was.
Comparing Seun to Francis was like comparing a Christmas sparkler to a rocket! My head had already been turned by Francis’ sizzling, scorching ways.
So the affair continued for about a year before the bubble burst. I was returning from another illicit date with Francis when my husband was waiting for me with a disgusted look on his face. “Tina just rang”, he spat. “She saw you with her husband coming out of a hotel. She said she’d become suspicious of her husband yet again and had followed him only to see both of you together.
“All the glow of our love-making drained out of me. “We are just friends having a meal together …” I panicked. Seun warned I shouldn’t insult his intelligence. Instead, I should be thinking of what to tell my friend when I faced her in the office the next day. As for this sham of marriage, Seun told me it was now dust. He couldn’t cope with the thought that his wife had been having a torrid affair with a supposed family friend for months. What I had was not a fling, he told me nastily, it was a relationship and I was now free to pursue my passion.
“The hardest part was facing Tina in the office. She made a scene and all eyes were on me as if I’d committed a crime. Our head of department invited us both to his office when he heard the commotion, and to be fair to him, he didn’t pass judgement. All he said was that we’d both fouled up the office atmosphere and one of us would have to be transferred to another branch. I quickly offered to go. I felt really awful at first. But Francis was really sorry for breaking up my marriage and quickly found me a flat, which I moved into with two of my children.
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“My eldest, a boy, decided to stay with his father. So that was how Francis and I became a reluctant couple, Tina stayed put in her matrimonial home – she’s used to her husband’s philandering. Whatever sadness I felt at the death of my marriage was quickly erased by Francis’ love-making. Fate put on its final seal when I discovered I was pregnant. It wasn’t planned and I was really angry with myself. Francis, on the other hand was delighted and before the baby was due, insisted on a traditional marriage. Seun had already instituted a divorce anyway and I would be a fool to contest it with a full-blown pregnancy!
‘I regret snatching my friend’s husband’
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He Was Not Like That Before — Father Says 2-Year-Old Changed After Kidnapping
He Was Not Like That Before — Father Says 2-Year-Old Changed After Kidnapping
- Traumatised toddler now cries uncontrollably at bedtime and when scolded, highlighting deep psychological scars left by captivity in Oyo State
The father of a two-year-old boy abducted alongside 39 pupils and six teachers from schools in Oriire Local Government Area of Oyo State has revealed that his son is still struggling with psychological trauma weeks after regaining freedom. Sikiru Abiodun, a farmer in Yawota community, said his toddler has not been the same since returning from 56 days in bandits’ captivity. The child was among those abducted on May 15, 2026, when armed bandits attacked Baptist Nursery and Primary School, Yawota; L.A. Primary School; and Community Grammar School, Ahoro-Esienle. The victims were eventually rescued on July 10 and taken to the LAUTECH Teaching Hospital for medical evaluation and psychological assessment before being reunited with their families.
Speaking to THE WHISTLER in Yoruba, Abiodun described the troubling changes in his son’s behaviour. “Before he was abducted, if he wanted to sleep, he would just go and sleep by himself. But since he came back, anytime he wants to sleep, he will start crying and he would not stop until we hug or carry him.” The farmer also noticed that his son now reacts with extreme distress whenever he is scolded. “Anytime he’s doing something or wants something and we shout at him; he will start crying also. He was not like that before,” Abiodun said. Despite the changes in his son’s behaviour, Abiodun expressed gratitude that the boy returned alive. “We’re just happy that he came back alive because we had lost hope of seeing him again,” he stated.
The toddler’s story is not an isolated case. A frightened four-year-old girl in the Ahoro-Dada community bolted in terror when she saw cameras and microphones, mistaking them for the guns that had shattered her world on May 15. Her terrified parents eventually caught up with her, held her gently by the hands and repeatedly assured her that the visitors were not kidnappers. The reaction of the little girl revealed that while the victims had regained their freedom, many have remained prisoners of fear. Though they might have left the forest, for many of them, the forest has refused to leave their minds.
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Clinical psychologists warn that the effects of kidnapping on young children can be profound and long-lasting. According to Sabina Ebadan, a clinical psychologist, kidnapping is not only a security incident but a deeply traumatic experience that can leave lasting mental health consequences if victims do not receive professional support. She explained that rescued victims may experience acute stress reactions such as shock, confusion, emotional numbness, panic attacks, sleep difficulties and poor concentration immediately after the ordeal. Some may later develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), characterised by flashbacks, nightmares, fear of returning to school or work, hypervigilance, avoidance of discussions about the incident, and difficulty sleeping or concentrating. The psychologist noted that affected children may become withdrawn, aggressive or unusually clingy, while teachers may struggle with emotional exhaustion, anxiety and reduced confidence in returning to the classroom. The Nigerian Medical Association (NMA) has also warned that freedom from captivity does not necessarily mark the end of the ordeal for survivors. Professor Afekhide Ernest Omoti, NMA President, stressed that survivors require immediate and comprehensive medical attention, trauma-informed psychological care and long-term rehabilitation to recover fully from the hidden effects of captivity. He warned that untreated physical injuries, infectious diseases, malnutrition and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are among the health challenges that can persist long after victims regain their freedom. Research suggests that between 30 and 70 per cent of kidnapping survivors may develop PTSD, with the risk particularly high among those who experienced prolonged captivity, physical or sexual assault, repeated threats to life, or witnessed the abuse or death of others.
Zaccheaus Olatunde, one of the seven teachers rescued after spending 56 days in captivity, recounted the horrors they endured. He described how two of his colleagues – Mr Michael Oyedokun and Deacon John Olaleye – lost their lives under brutal circumstances. The adult male captives were kept inside makeshift tents, their hands handcuffed and their legs chained for virtually the entire period. Their eyes were often blindfolded, while even basic human needs depended on the permission of their captors. If they wanted to urinate or defecate, they had to beg them. The terrorists rarely stayed in one place, moving the captives from one forest location to another to avoid detection by security forces. Most days, the captives survived on plain rice or rice mixed only with palm oil, without pepper or salt. The terrorists prohibited Christian prayers among the captives, beating them mercilessly whenever they were caught praying.
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The Nigerian Bar Association (NBA), Ikirun Branch, has called on the Federal Government and the Oyo State Government to establish specialised trauma rehabilitation centres for victims of violent crimes, saying the rescue of the victims must be followed by long-term healing and institutional reforms. The NBA expressed concern over the psychological impact of the 56 days the victims spent in captivity, noting that most of the survivors are young children. “Child psychology dictates that these raw, uncensored experiences of violence, torture and unreported sexual abuse will be deeply integrated into their developing minds. The societal victory of their physical rescue remains incomplete until comprehensive, long-term measures are taken to heal their invisible wounds,” the statement said. Similarly, Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan has called for immediate psychological support for the rescued victims, stressing that emotional recovery should be treated with the same urgency as their physical wellbeing. She urged the federal and state governments to work with relevant agencies to ensure the victims receive comprehensive mental health support, noting that survivors of kidnapping often bear invisible emotional scars that require professional counselling and coordinated rehabilitation to enable them to reintegrate successfully into their families, schools and communities. The Nigerian Psychological Association (NPA) has also warned that the victims may have escaped captivity but remain trapped by deep emotional wounds, urging the government to immediately provide professional mental health care to aid their recovery. The association stressed that many of the victims could suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, nightmares, fear, withdrawal, poor concentration, and other long-lasting psychological challenges if left without proper care. The NPA called for immediate psychological assessment, trauma-informed counselling by qualified psychologists, family counselling, school-based reintegration programmes, long-term mental health support and community sensitisation to prevent stigma against the victims.
The traumatic experience has also left many parents reluctant to send their children back to the affected schools, despite their successful rescue. One relative, Fausat Akindele, said the incident had permanently changed many parents’ perception of the schools’ safety. Another family member, Basirat Adigun, said: “No parent wants to take any risk after what these children went through. We appreciate the efforts that brought them back, but we need to see concrete security measures around the schools and the communities before we can think of returning them.” Reacting, the Oyo State Commissioner for Information and Orientation, Mr Dotun Oyelade, described the parents’ concerns as understandable. “It is understandable if parents do not want to send their children back to those schools. As human beings, the emotional trauma which they have undergone will ordinarily not allow them to freely release their children to further their education because of the nightmare,” he said. He added that the state government had already begun implementing interventions to improve infrastructure in the affected schools.
He Was Not Like That Before — Father Says 2-Year-Old Changed After Kidnapping
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Meet Oyinkansola Badejo-Okusanya: Only Second Woman to Lead NBA in 93 Years
Meet Oyinkansola Badejo-Okusanya: Only Second Woman to Lead NBA in 93 Years
- The Senior Advocate of Nigeria made history as only the second woman to lead the Nigerian Bar Association in its 93-year history, securing 12,317 votes in an election disrupted by a cyberattack
The Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) has elected Oyinkansola Badejo-Okusanya, a Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) , as its 33rd president, making her only the second woman to lead the association since its formation in 1933 . She polled 12,317 votes (47.18 per cent) to defeat fellow SANs Lateef Akangbe (7,934 votes) and Olumuyiwa Akinboro (5,855 votes) in an electronic election that was delayed by a cyberattack on the voting platform .
Here are seven key things to know about the incoming NBA president.
1. Academic Background
Badejo-Okusanya holds degrees in both English and Law from the University of Lagos . She earned a Bachelor of Arts (B.A.) in English between 1983 and 1987 before returning to study Law, graduating with a Bachelor of Laws (LL.B.) in 2000 . She later attended the Nigerian Law School, where she obtained her Barrister-at-Law (B.L.) qualification in 2002 .
2. Legal Career and SAN Rank
The Senior Advocate has built a legal career spanning more than two decades in litigation, arbitration and alternative dispute resolution (ADR) . She specialises in domestic and international dispute resolution and has represented both private and government clients in commercial matters before trial and appellate courts across Nigeria . She began her legal career at Olaniwun Ajayi LP, one of Nigeria’s leading commercial law firms, and was elevated to the rank of Senior Advocate of Nigeria on September 29, 2025, one of the highest honours in the legal profession .
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3. Public Service in Lagos State
Before returning to private practice, Badejo-Okusanya served in the Lagos State Government. She was Senior Special Assistant to the Governor on Justice Sector Reform and Policy between 2007 and 2011 before serving as General Counsel to the Governor from 2011 to 2015 . In July 2011, she was appointed General Counsel to the Governor of Lagos State and played a pivotal part in developing the landmark Lagos State Home Ownership Mortgage Scheme (Lagos HOMS) under the Fashola administration . During her time in government, she worked on public-private partnerships, arbitration legislation, consumer protection and justice sector reforms .
4. Law Firm Leadership
Since May 2017, Badejo-Okusanya has been a founding partner at ALP NG & Co (Africa Law Practice NG & Company), where she serves as Co-Head of the Litigation and Dispute Resolution Practice . Her practice covers litigation, arbitration, mediation, public policy and government relations, and she is also recognised for her expertise in regulatory compliance and dispute resolution .
5. Arbitration and Professional Memberships
Badejo-Okusanya has played active roles in arbitration and legal organisations . She previously served on the Executive Committee of the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators (UK), Nigeria Branch, and currently serves on the Board of the Lagos Court of Arbitration . She is also a member of the International Council for Commercial Arbitration, ArbitralWomen, the Commonwealth Lawyers Association, the International Bar Association, the London Court of International Arbitration, and the International Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA) .
6. Mediation and Dispute Resolution Expertise
An accredited Centre for Effective Dispute Resolution (CEDR) mediator, Badejo-Okusanya is recognised for her expertise in arbitration and ADR . She is frequently consulted on international arbitration matters and regulatory compliance, with experience across both domestic and international dispute resolution frameworks .
7. Historic Victory
With her victory, Badejo-Okusanya became the 33rd President of the NBA and only the second woman to lead the association, following Priscilla Kuye, who served as NBA president from 1991 to 1992 . She is also the first woman to be directly elected to the position, as Kuye had assumed office from the position of First Vice President when the then president was appointed Attorney-General of the Federation . She will serve a two-year term from 2026 to 2028 . In her victory statement, she pledged to “lead with integrity, courage, humility, fairness, and accountability” and promised to build “an NBA where lawyers can earn better, live better, and practise better” .
Meet Oyinkansola Badejo-Okusanya: Only Second Woman to Lead NBA in 93 Years
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Akinboro Rejects NBA Poll, Alleges Name Alteration, OTP Failures
Akinboro Rejects NBA Poll, Alleges Name Alteration, OTP Failures
- Defeated presidential candidate rejects poll outcome, says his name was altered and photograph omitted from ballot; ECNBA blamed cyberattack for disruptions
A defeated presidential candidate in the 2026 Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) election, Aare Olumuyiwa Akinboro (SAN), has renewed his attack on the conduct of the poll, alleging that the exercise was riddled with irregularities that prevented him from effectively participating and undermined the credibility of the election. In a statement released after the conclusion of the election, Akinboro alleged that his name was altered on the presidential ballot from “Aare Olumuyiwa Akinboro SAN” to “Aare Oluwatoyin Muyiwa Akinboro SAN,” describing the development as a grave error that compromised the integrity of the process. He further claimed that while the photograph of the eventual winner, Oyinkansola Badejo-Okusanya (SAN) , appeared on the electronic ballot, the photographs of the other presidential candidates, including his own, were omitted. According to him, the voter authentication One-Time Password (OTP) was sent through email instead of registered phone numbers as stipulated in the election guidelines, raising questions about the competence of the Electoral Committee of the Nigerian Bar Association (ECNBA) and its service providers.
“It therefore begs the question whether the above anomalies were also a part of the cyberattack rather than a clear demonstration of the incompetence and unpreparedness by both the Service Providers and the ECNBA,” Akinboro said. He further alleged that he was excluded from the presidential ballot because his correct name did not appear among the listed candidates. “I, Aare Olumuyiwa Akinboro, SAN, was inexplicably excluded from the ballot for the office of President as the names on the ballot for the said office were: Aare Oluwatoyin Muyiwa Akinboro SAN, Lateef Omoyemi Akangbe SAN and Oyinkansola Badejo Okusanya SAN (Mrs. B),” he stated.
Akinboro also dismissed the ECNBA’s explanation that a cyberattack disrupted the voting platform, arguing that the reported technical failures pointed instead to poor preparation and incompetence. The ECNBA had earlier acknowledged that the electronic voting infrastructure was subjected to a “deliberate, coordinated and sustained cyberattack” shortly before voting was scheduled to commence at midnight on July 18, delaying the start of the exercise. The committee said its cybersecurity experts and the Election Voting Service Provider activated emergency measures to contain the attack and secure the platform. The system was eventually restored, and voting commenced at approximately 7:35 a.m. However, Akinboro alleged that the election platform failed to commence voting at the scheduled time despite the guidelines fixing the exercise to begin at midnight.
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According to him, the 2026 election was “built on a faulty foundation,” alleging unconstitutional appointments into the ECNBA, partisanship by the NBA leadership, and the selection of incompetent service providers. “It is no news that from the outset, the entire electoral process… was built on a faulty foundation,” he said, accusing the NBA leadership of deploying the association’s structures in favour of a preferred candidate. The senior advocate also claimed that he was unable to vote because he never received the authentication code required to access the voting portal, adding that “tens of thousands” of lawyers experienced similar problems. “Furthermore, I have participated in all the online National Officers election of the NBA but I must say that this election stands out as the most controversial,” he said.
Akinboro’s allegations were not isolated. Another presidential candidate, Lateef Omoyemi Akangbe (SAN), also raised serious concerns about the electoral process. In a protest letter to the ECNBA, Akangbe demanded the immediate suspension of the election, alleging that the electronic voting portal had collapsed and that voters were receiving OTPs via email instead of SMS in violation of the committee’s revised guidelines. He also complained that the presidential ballot displayed the photograph of only one candidate while omitting others. “A flawed, rushed election carried out today under these chaotic conditions cannot yield a credible result,” Akangbe said in the protest letter. “Whoever is declared the winner of an election conducted on a collapsed portal, with breached authentication, and on a visually defective ballot, will not lead the Bar with the confidence of the profession.”
Akinboro further alleged that interventions by senior members of the legal profession to address the challenges and preserve the credibility of the election were resisted by individuals who allegedly benefited from the existing system. Despite the outcome, he thanked lawyers across the country who supported his candidacy, saying the campaign enabled him to interact with members and exposed what he described as deep-rooted problems within the association. He alleged that many lawyers were subjected to pressure and intimidation during the election period, insisting that his campaign was aimed at reforming the NBA’s electoral process and restoring internal democracy.
Despite the disruptions, the ECNBA proceeded with the exercise after extending the voting period. Oyinkansola Badejo-Okusanya (SAN) was subsequently declared the winner of the presidential election, polling 12,317 votes, representing 47.18 per cent of the total votes cast. She defeated her closest challenger, Lateef Akangbe, SAN, who secured 7,934 votes (30.39 per cent), while Akinboro garnered 5,855 votes (22.43 per cent). With her victory, Badejo-Okusanya becomes the 33rd President of the NBA and only the second woman to lead the association since its formation in 1933, following Priscilla Kuye, who served from 1991 to 1992. The election recorded a turnout of 26,106 valid votes out of 82,172 registered voters, representing approximately 31.8 per cent participation. The ECNBA Chairman, Aham Ejelam, SAN, announced the final results at the NBA National Secretariat in Abuja.
Akinboro Rejects NBA Poll, Alleges Name Alteration, OTP Failures
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