Opinion
Lord, have Messi on Fury and bless Ngannou (1), by Tunde Odesola
Lord, have Messi on Fury and bless Ngannou (1), by Tunde Odesola
(Published in The PUNCH, on Friday, November 3, 2023.)
A long time ago in the Land of Àkámárà, Ádámò sat on a mat outside his little hut. Thoughts waded through his mind as he watched the sinking sun sneak home eastward behind the clouds fleeting westward.
How the cottony clouds could defy gravitational force and hold the almighty sun from falling remained a mystery to Ádámò.
As he contemplated the awesomeness of God, his eyes became moist.
Though Ádámò had no formal education, he was steeped enough in African cultural mores to recognise gratitude and praise as wholesome sacrifices acceptable to God. He was worried about the journey at hand. So, he said a prayer, “The Atérere-Kárí-Ayé worldwide God, the Elétí-Gbáròyé hearer of supplications, the Ògbàmùgbámú-Ojú-Òrun-Ò-Sé-Gbámú unconquerable God; you’re the Unimpeachable Proclaimer called Awímáyewùn, I praise and thank you. I beseech you to be with me and my son on our journey tomorrow.”
Early in the morning before the first crow of the cock, Ádámò and his son, Ayésòro, set out on the journey to the Land of Inúnibíni aka Land of Resentment. Ádámò hoisted Ayésòro onto the back of their horse, Esin Dondo. Quickly, he climbed the horse. They had enough hay and water for the horse and food for themselves.
The neighbourhood was still asleep when the kùkurúku at cockcrow announced the stirring of dawn. Mìlíkì, the village palm wine tapper, was returning from his midnight tapping rounds when he saw father and son on their horse. “Ha, Ádámò! How old are you that you cannot walk beside your horse? Father and son on a miserable horse! Do you want to kill the beast? So, Ádámò disembarked from the horse, leaving his son on it.
As the smile of the sun was becoming bigger, gradually turning into a grin, they got to a river and decided to drink. Father, son and horse drank, rested and resumed their journey. Shortly, the sun was all out grinning and beaming. They neared the junction to the shrine of Ogun, the god of Iron, and they saw the hunchback, Sobolóyoké, who burst out crying: “Ádámò, why are you so foolish? Your young son sits atop the horse, and you, an old man, are walking?” Quickly, Ádámò brought his son down from the horse and he mounted it.
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They continued on their journey and, by midday, they came to a big market. Ìyá Àsàbí, who sells herbs, saw Ádámò on the horse with his son walking beside it. She screamed, “Baba ìkà, wicked father!!! You sat on the horse like the king of bedbugs while your son trekked like a slave!?” Determined to please his critics, Ádámò dismounted from the horse, and both he and his son trekked beside the horse.
They hadn’t trekked for one hour when they saw Ámèbo, the gossip, who first let out a gasp, then clasped her hands on her chest and eyed both sojourners scornfully. Then she burst into sad laughter, “The horse is even wiser than father and son; it is leading the way and swishing its tail to repel flies. Both father and son have ceded leadership to the horse!” Ámèbo tugged at Ádámò’s robe, shooing and saying, “Eskelebe ti o le bebe! Dundee Papa and múngùn pikin.”
Exasperated, Ádámò looked at the sky, seeking a divine answer to why man is unpleasable. A soothing but firm voice said, “Ádámò, no one can please the world. Man is insatiable.” Ádámò nodded…
ME8SSI. In African, Jewish and many other cultures worldwide, the eighth day after childbirth is very significant. It is the day the child is christened. It’s the baby’s first official outing.
The trajectory of the soccer god, Lionel Andreas Messi, is a semblance of Ádámò’s journey but the footballer’s companions are Barcelona FC and his Argentina national team. Millions of soccer fans worldwide hate Barcelona FC because of the agony Messi put them through when he played for the Spanish soccer team which once played the most beautiful football in the world. Such soccer fans include many of Manchester United who haven’t forgiven Messi for the 3-1 demolition of their team in the Champions League final of the 2010-2011 season, winning UEFA and fans’ Man-of-the-Match awards.
With their infamous style of parking the bus, Chelsea fans cannot like Barcelona’s penetrative audacity and jaw-dropping football that have earned the Catalan team five Champions League trophies to Chelsea’s two. Locked in a 4-4 head-to-head tie with six draws against Barcelona, Chelsea are, for me, England’s most resilient club, but Barca have an edge over the Pride of London in more goal aggregate. Well, there’s no way Chelsea fans would like Messi’s tenacious creativity and defence-splitting passes. He led the routing of Chelsea in a famous 3-0 mauling at Barcelona in a UEFA Round of 16 match.
Back at home in Spain, Messi was a key figure in Barcelona’s Golden Age reign, winning 10 Ligas, 7 Copas del Rey, 8 Spanish Cups, four Champions Leagues, 3 European Super Cups, and 3 World Cup Championships. Despite their huge financial spending, which earned their stars the Galacticos nickname, Messi ensured Real Madrid FC was silenced in Spain, spearheading the winning of more el clasicos than Los Blancos. Real Madrid are, however, more successful in Europe.
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The unequal rivalry between former Real Madrid superstar, Christiano Ronaldo and Messi’s Barcelona often ended in near-meltdown for the Portuguese footballer during their time in Spain due to the goal margins of Barcelona’s wins.
Unlike Ádámò, Messi was unperturbed about the noise of his critics, responding to their criticisms with more sterling performances and achievements. When he wept for losing three Copa America finals, his critics who are essentially Ronaldo, Real Madrid, Man United and Chelsea fans, laughed, saying he can never win a continental trophy for Argentina. Messi remained focused and responded with a Copa America trophy, beating Brazil-led Neymar at the Maracana Stadium on July 11, 2021.
The cockroach took its three senior advocate sons to the court of chickens, seeking to overturn a guilty verdict. The cockroach and its sons never returned home. “What’s Copa America, is that a cup?” anti-Messi fans cried, agonised that Messi equalled the greatest achievement of their idol, Ronaldo, who had lifted the European Cup in 2016 without playing in the final due to an injury and without being as critical as Messi was for Argentina.
Red-hot Argentina took a 36-match unbeaten run form into the 2022 World Cup in Dubai. So, when the La Albiceleste lost the opening match to Saudi Arabia, 1-2, jubilant mockers glided into Cloud 9, puffing, “It’s not in Messi’s destiny to win the World Cup. He should just retire or die trying.”
A nervy 2-0 win against Mexico and Poland in the group stage didn’t silence his critics, who scoffed and said, “Australia are giant killers, they will shock Argentina in the Round of 16,” but when Messi led the 2-1 demolition of Australia, his frenemies, now uncomfortable with the prospect of Messi getting into the final, shouted louder than the revolutionary animals in George Orwell’s Animal Farm, “Messi can never win the World Cup!!! Never!!!” – wishing their babel could undo the magical left leg that is worthier than the head, legs and height of their Ororo idol in the Arabian desert.
When Argentina were drawn to face the Oranje of Netherlands in the quarter-final, “Argentina will see òràn! Messi should go and ask what the Yoruba call òràn. May we not see òràn o.” wailers wailed, wishing Messi a waterloo. Argentina played better, succumbing a 2-0 goal lead between the 83rd minute and extra time. Argentina proved superior in the penalty shootout, winning 4-3, to advance into the final against France.
On paper, the French national team aka Les Blues looked more fearsome. The army of anti-Messi wailers was so happy that their much-wanted comeuppance for Argentina had finally arrived. Across the world, they printed jerseys and bought food and drinks, preparatory to an anticipated French victory. On match day, they brought out their grills and barbecued chicken, turkey and beef, eating, lavishing, and gulping water and alcohol.
Before many of the anti-Messi wailers could finish their first bottles of alcohol, the little magician of Rosario had fired home the first goal. Some anti-Messi fans opened their chicken-stuffed mouths wide in shock, their drinks gradually turning into bile. “This short man again!,” they wondered.
To be continued.
Email: [email protected]; Facebook: @Tunde Odesola; X: Tunde_Odesola.
Lord, have Messi on Fury and bless Ngannou (1), by Tunde Odesola
Opinion
Ademola Lookman showed Davido and Kemi Badenoch that wisdom is not by age – Omokri
Ademola Lookman showed Davido and Kemi Badenoch that wisdom is not by age – Omokri
Recently, the singer David Adeleke was given a global stage to do whatever he wanted and deliver any message.
Sadly, Mr. Adeleke used the opportunity to speak in an American accent. Not only that, he used that American accent to talk down on Nigeria and tell the world not to invest in Nigeria because, as he put it, Nigeria’s “economy is in shambles”.
Coincidentally, a month after his faux pas, Kemi Badenoch, probably inspired by Davido, used her British accent to talk down Nigeria, calling us “a very poor country” where the police rob citizens.
But the interesting thing about her own case is that the next day, the BBC featured a panel of Conservative Party big shots, and one of them, Albie Amankona, a party chieftain from Chiswick, who is also a celebrity broadcaster, said, and this is a direct quote:
“If you are a Brexiteer, and you are saying we need to be expanding our global trade beyond the European Union, we want to be looking at emerging markets for growth, don’t slag off one of the fastest growing economies in Africa.”
Is it not strange that it took the BBC and a British politician to promote Nigeria as one of the fastest-growing economies in Africa?
And just when we thought it was all bad news, God gave us a breath of fresh air in the youthful Ademola Lookman, who used the global podium granted to him by his winning the 2024 African Footballer of the Year award to promote and project Nigeria and the Lukumi Yoruba language to the world.
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Wisdom is not by age. If not, Ademola Lookman, who is just twenty-seven, will not have displayed greater wisdom than David Adeleke, who is thirty-two, and Kemi Badenoch, at forty-four.
Mr. Lookman proved that the age of Methuselah has nothing to do with the wisdom of Solomon.
And it is not as though other ethnicities with global icons do not also project Nigeria. They do.
Dr. Mrs. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala spoke Igbo on the podium of the WTO in Geneva. In terms of prestige, she is FAR above Lookman.
My campaign is not for the Lukumi Yoruba alone. It is for all sub-Saharan Black Africans to learn to speak their language and not use ability to speak English or another colonial language as a measure of intelligence.
Besides Lukumi Yoruba and Hausa, every other Nigerian language, including Fulfulde, is gradually dying out.
General Buhari is half Fulani and half Kanuri. Yet, he cannot speak either Fuifulde or Kanuri. But he speaks Hausa and English.
Fact-check me: In 2012, UNESCO declared Igbo an endangered language.
However, the Lukumi Yoruba are to be commended for their affirmative actions to advance their language and culture.
Let me give you an example. All six Governors of the Southwest bear full Lukumi names: Jide Sanwa-Olu, Seyi Makinde, Dapo Abiodun, Ademola Adeleke, Abiodun Oyebanji, and Orighomisan Aiyedatiwa.
No other zone in Nigeria has all its governors bearing ethnic Nigerian names as first and second names. They either bear Arabic or European names as first names or even first and second names.
If we truly want to be the Giant of Africa, we must take affirmative steps to preserve our language and culture so we can have children like Ademola Lookman.
Teach your language to your children before you teach them English. They will learn English at school. Being multilingual is scientifically proven to boost intelligence.
Fact-check me: In the U.S., Latino kids do not speak English until they start school. They learn Spanish as a first language.
Even if you relocate to the UK, the best you can be is British. You can never be English. And if your choice of Japa is the U.S., the highest you can be is an American citizen. You will never become a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant WASP.
Your power lies in balancing ancient and modern, Western and African, English (or other colonial languages) and your native tongue.
That is the way to reverse language erosion, like the Lukumi Yoruba.
Ademola Lookman showed Davido and Kemi Badenoch that wisdom is not by age – Omokri
Opinion
Kemi Badenoch’s Hate for Nigeria – Femi Fani-Kayode
Kemi Badenoch’s Hate for Nigeria – Femi Fani-Kayode
“I find it interesting that everyone defines me as a Nigerian. I identify less with the country than with my specific ethnic group. I have nothing in common with the people from the north of the country, the Boko Haram, where Islamism is. Being Yoruba is my true identity and I refuse to be lumped with the northern people of Nigeria who were our ethnic enemies, all in the name of being called a Nigerian”- @KemiBadenoch.
Dangerous rhetoric
Kemi Badenoch, MP, the leader of the British Conservative Party and Opposition in the @UKParliament, has refused to stop at just denigrating our country but has gone a step further by seeking to divide us on ethnic lines.
She claims that she never regarded herself as being a Nigerian but rather a Yoruba and that she never identified with the people from the Northern part of our country who she collectively describes as being “Boko Haram Islamists” and “terrorists”.
This is dangerous rhetoric coming from an impudent and ignorant foreign leader who knows nothing about our country, who does not know her place and who insists on stirring up a storm that she cannot contain and that may eventually consume her.
It is rather like saying that she identifies more with the English than she does with the Scots and the Welsh whom she regards as nothing more than homicidal and murderous barbarians that once waged war against her ethnic English compatriots!
All this coming from a young lady of colour that is a political leader in a multi-ethnic, multi-religious and multi-cultural country that lays claim to being the epitome of decency and civilisation! What a strange and inexplicable contradiction this is.
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Her intentions are malevolent and insidious and her objective, outside of ridiculing and mocking us, is to divide us and bring us to our knees.
I am constrained to ask, what on earth happened to this creature in her youth and why does she hate Nigeria with such passion?
Did something happen to her when she lived here which she has kept secret?
Kemi Badenoch’s Hate for Nigeria – Femi Fani-Kayode
Opinion
The cockroach called Dele Farotimi (1)
The cockroach called Dele Farotimi (1)
Tunde Odesola
(Published in The PUNCH, on Friday, December 13, 2024)
The official name for cage fight is Mixed Martial Arts. Street fight, known as ‘ìjà ìgboro’ in Yoruba, is the bane of Ibadan people, says the panegyric of Oluyole, the city of brown roofs scattered among seven hills. MMA, I think, is organised street fighting.
But, long before MMA became a global combat sport in 2000, little devils of St Paul Anglican (Primary) School, Idi-Oro, Lagos, and Archbishop Aggey Memorial Secondary School, Mushin, Lagos, engaged in ‘ìjà ìgboro’, the progenitor of Mixed Martial Arts. Retrospectively, I’m guilty of being part of the little devils of both schools.
Because, instead of heeding the ‘blessed are the peacemakers’ injunction in the Holy Scriptures, to ‘inherit the kingdom of God’, what we did as little demons that we were was to add fuel to the embers of hostility smouldering among fellow students.
As soon as you noticed two students in a heated argument, instead of you to sue for peace, the naughty reaction was for you to grab some soil in clenched fists and spread your fists towards the two disputants, daring both pupils to slap one of the outstretched fists: ‘Ení bá lè jà, kó gbon!’
‘Ení bá lè jà, kó gbon!’ was a call to arms. To prove you’re a lionheart ready to fight, you slap the clenched fist open and watch its content pour out to the ground.
So, in a jiffy, you would see friends who were laughing a while ago, engage in a free-for-all instanter. Regrettably, I initiated some of such fights and participated in not a few. You probably can’t grow up in Mushin and be fainthearted.
Taliatu Mudashiru was my friend and classmate in Forms 1 and 2. Occasionally, when I didn’t get dropped off at school by my father, and I had to make it to school on my own, I first trek from our Awoyokun Street residence to Taliatu’s house on Adegboyega Street before both of us would head up to Akinade Ayodeji’s house two blocks away en route to school.
I thought I was stronger than Tali, as we fondly called him, or Pali Tutu (Wet Cardboard) – if the caller was a mischievous classmate – until one day when we disagreed during a break-time chatter involving other classmates.
A peacemaker stepped forward with clenched fists, chanting, ‘K’éyin lè jà, k’émi lé wò’ran, Èsù ta’po si,’ evoking Baba Devil himself. I slapped one of the fists; Tali slapped the other! ‘Ha, Tali ke? I go kill sombodi!’
Toe-to-toe, Tunde rained blows. Tit-for-tat, Tali responded. We upturned desks and seats as the brawl spiralled to the delight of cheering classmates. But it was short-lived as the break-time bell saved the day. We swore at each other but classmates begged us, like peacemakers, to save our punches and wait till after-school hours to throw them.
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After school, excited classmates such as Taliatu Olokodana, Akinade Ayodeji alias Kuruki, Hakeem Adigun alias Slate, Jide Oladimeji alias Agama; Kunle Adeyoju alias Iron Bender, Sunday Pedro Oshokai, Sanmi Okuwobi, Sule Mustapha alias Maito; Olalekan Egungbohun, Kazeem Osuolale alias Oju etc led Tali and me to ‘Ojú Olómo ò to’, an arena so named because no parent or guardian’s eyes ever got to see what happened there.
Only Lukmon Yusuff aka OC, Jide Ajose and Segun Majekodunmi would have separated us if they were around. For his good-naturedness, Jide got the nickname Unreasonable while Segun was called Brother because he belonged to the Deeper Life Church and Yusuff got nicknamed O.C. because of his effectiveness as a football defender.
The ‘Ojú Olómo ò to’ was the playground of a primary school that had closed for the day. Impish classmates sat around the edge of the big field, leaving Tali and I at the centre to unleash the devilry in us.
Tali, bigger and an inch taller, was hoping to use his weight to an advantage, grabbing at me but I knew if he slammed me he would feed me with sand, so I used my fists to keep him off.
We wrestled and boxed and kicked and clawed for God knows how long. There was no referee. There was no timeout. There were only ringside viewers who laughed and cheered every kick and blow and the sight of blood. Tali and I bled all over, spent and gasped for breath.
Then I threw a punch, it caught Tali right in the face, and he first went down in a squat, before flattening out on his back. I should have jumped on him and finished him off, but I was barely breathing. I just left him and I turned away to look for my bag and shoes.
The following day, Tali was looking for me on the assembly ground. He appeared proud of us. He shook hands with me vigorously and we hugged for a long period – like warriors after a pyrrhic victory. He earned my respect, I earned his. Tali probably thought I was a sportsman for not finishing him off when he blanked out, but little did he know that all that was on my mind when he fell was me getting home. I probably would’ve fallen too if the fight had lasted longer.
There are similarities between my fight with Tali and the ongoing fight between one of Nigeria’s heavyweight lawyers, Aare Afe Babalola and human rights activist and lawyer, Mr Dele Farotimi.
I know Nigeria is broken and needs fixing urgently. I know that to fix it, something has to give. I know Nigeria’s coconuts of corruption must be cracked on skulls and the water thereof used as atonement for the nation’s corruption.
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I see many coconuts. I also see the head of Babalola and that of Farotimi. I see other heads, too. But whose skull(s) would crack open the coconuts?
I see a poisonous cockroach encircled by a brood of chickens. Among the chickens is the breed called Supreme. There’s also a breed called Appeal and another breed called High. There’s yet another breed called SANyeri, a name symbolising the breed’s big gowns. The chickens thrust their heads forward, sharply looking right and left, watching intently, communicating in esoteric language. What shall we do to this irritant?
Yet, the cockroach is adamant in the valley of jeopardy, six legs gangling, two antennas roving; person wey wan don die jam person wey wan kill am.
Tali Vs. Tunde. Today, I can’t even remember what caused the disagreement that snowballed into our fight, but I can never forget the pain of the fight. I had thought I would make light work of Tali but I didn’t see his gallantry coming.
Although I’ve never met Baba Babalola, he comes across as a man of commendable philanthropy and frankness. It’s only frankness that could make him stand by the Labour Party and its presidential candidate, Mr Peter Obi, in the 2023 presidential election when the elite of his tribe was queuing behind Asiwaju Bola Tinubu as ‘Shon of the Shoil’.
In the 2023 presidential election, I was neither BATified nor Atikulated just as I wasn’t Obidient. In some articles during the countdown to the election, I called for an overhaul of the 1999 Constitution before the conduct of the general elections, saying none of the presidential candidates would succeed as president if the Constitution wasn’t amended.
I also said there was no ideological difference among the All Progressives Congress, Peoples Democratic Party and Labour Party. If they were different, Nigeria wouldn’t witness six House of Representatives members of the Labour Party defecting to the APC recently, despite LP’s promise of a new Nigeria. While I predict more defections in the coming days, those already defected include Tochukwu Okere (Imo), Daulyop Fom (Plateau), Donatus Matthew (Kaduna), Bassey Akiba (Cross River), Iyawe Esosa (Edo) and Fom Daniel Chollon (Plateau).
In my recommendations, I called for devolution of powers to the states, resource control, independent candidacy and patriotism by the generality of Nigerians for a new order.
And I’ve not repented from my belief that elected Nigerian politicians loot the treasury according to the amount of money available in it, not because one was more decent than the other or one party was better than the other.
This is why I find the anti-corruption campaign of 56-year-old lawyer and human rights activist, Dele Farotimi, assuring though I’m not going to touch the libel stuff just yet.
Although Farotimi is an LP member, his rhetoric resonates with equity, fairness and justice – cornerstones of democracy.
However, there are concave and convex perspectives on the Babalola-Farotimi issue. In secondary school, Physics was intriguing to me, though I found its abstraction intimidating and perplexing. It was in Physics that I learnt about convex and concave lenses. I was taught in secondary school that both lenses are used for correcting short-sightedness and long-sightedness.
Tali died a long time ago. May his soul rest in peace. Baba Afe Babalola is 11 years older than my father who died last March at 84. May the Lord grant Baba Babalola more years in good health, and may he see the end of this war.
To be continued.
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola
LinkedIn: @Tunde Odesola
The cockroach called Dele Farotimi (1)
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